


I’ll Make It All Come True

by complexConfetti



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anakin & Ahsoka are best friends, Appropriate Use of the Force, Betrayal, Dark Obi-Wan Kenobi, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Shenanigans, I don’t give a shit about the Rule of Two, I use the legends lightsaber colour meanings, Inappropriate Use of the Force, I’ll Fix The Tags Later, Mace Windu is a father figure, Original Character(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pull to the dark side, Side note I love the pantorans, Sith AU, Sith Obi-Wan Kenobi, Tags Are Hard, The Dark Side of the Force, fuck jedi temple guards being the only ones to have yellow lightsabers, i might’ve fucked something up in the vein of how lightsabers can be destroyed, just go along with it, obi-wan is pretty much as powerful as yoda, these tags are a mess, this is set during the clone wars
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-27
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:08:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 24,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22924639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/complexConfetti/pseuds/complexConfetti
Summary: Amyra Varellaac always thought she was a model Jedi Knight, but after a fateful encounter with a new Sith only known by the pseudonym "Darth Peitho", she would discover that this was not true. Not true at all.
Relationships: Ahsoka Tano & Original Jedi Character(s), Anakin Skywalker & Ahsoka Tano, Anakin Skywalker & Original Character(s), Mace Windu & Original Character(s), Obi-wan Kenobi/original character, Sith!Obi-wan Kenobi/original character
Comments: 5
Kudos: 22





	1. In which Amyra Varellaac is sent to investigate the rumours of a new Sith threat

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [wicked thing](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6261721) by [imaginarykat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/imaginarykat/pseuds/imaginarykat). 



> Hey everyone! This is probably one of the first stories I’m ever posting that has original character content! Usually, I prefer to keep established character/oc stuff to myself but I thought maybe that you would enjoy it! You can always think of Amyra as a stand in for the ‘reader’ if you wish to place yourself in the story instead, that’s fine by me :)

* * *

_Calm_.

She breathed in and out again. _Calm_.

She let the force wash over her like a warm blanket, soft and safe. _Calm._

But as soon as she felt the meditative state of mind begin to take over, a rushed, and excited, knock came from her door. She furrowed her eyebrows, trying to ignore the incessant knocking. It only worked for a moment before the knocking turned into banging and a whiney shrill of ‘please, I know you’re awake!’ was muffled through the door. She huffed out, feeling herself get lowered to the floor just the slightest amount. At least she was getting closer. She rolled her head around to stretch out her neck and opened her eyes to the brightness of the Coruscant morning pouring through her window. She had been lucky to get such a nice view. Rising from the floor came with more stretching of limbs before turning the handle to the door and having the incessant knocker stumble over and into her chest.

“Good morning, Ahsoka,” She said, ever so slightly annoyed at having her morning meditation disrupted for the fourth time this week. 

“I knew you’d open the door at some point Amyra!” Ahsoka’s soft, yet playful tone refused for a smile not to appear on her face. As much as she wanted to be mad at the young padawan, Amyra just couldn’t.

“What did I say about formalities?” Ahsoka was still leaning into her chest, more giving her a hug this time than purely using the Alderaanian as a wall to lean on. Her friend’s eyes shot open and she scrambled to stand properly.

“Right, sorry Master Varellaac, won’t happen again,” She said, sheepishly, with even the smallest inklings of a smile on her lips. The sentiment of the moment made Amyra have to shake her head and pull Ahsoka back in for a proper hug.

“Force, I can’t stay mad at you ‘Soka.” She let out the tiniest of laughs, squeezing into the hug a little. “Now,” Amyra began, pulling back from the embrace while still gripping at Ahsoka’s biceps. “What did you _actually_ need that required so much knocking?”

Ahsoka seemed to wrack her brain for a second before the thought must have come back. “Master Windu wanted me to tell you that the council wishes to see you after lunch today,” Amyra nodded, she had a feeling the council had something to do with it. Always a bit too busy to ask her themselves, so they get padawan’s - who just want to spend their free time alone - to inform others of meetings. It was a bad strategy, but she guessed that because of the war, they were _genuinely_ busy.

“Understood, you’re a fine Jedi messenger, ‘Soka,” Her laugh was a little gravelly, having not had much to quench her thirst yet this morning. In truth, she did expect to still be meditating, which would’ve downplayed the effects of the grainy voice but inevitably that’s not how the morning was turning out she supposed. “Speaking of Jedi, do you know where Anakin might be?”

Her Togruta friend just shrugged, her smiley appearance returning. “Not sure, he’ll either still be asleep, at breakfast, or somewhere with Artoo,” The two left Amyra’s quarters, still talking and wondering about the whereabouts of their reckless friend. Breakfast went by too slowly; the food was often terrible. It was nothing like on Alderaan but it’s not like she could just fly there every time she wanted some _actually_ good food. Taking the last bite of a nutbar she couldn’t be bothered to remember the ingredients of, she brushed her hands together as if to rid any crumbs still sitting there.

The day itself seemed to pass even slower, Ahsoka had gone to train a little bit for the day with her fellow padawan’s, Anakin was nowhere to be found (nor Artoo for that matter), Padme was obviously busy, being a senator and all. She somewhat felt lonely, a pretty regular occurrence but still always jarring to feel. She had found herself in the archives, going over certain texts that she had already read through thousands of times, texts that she had only recently begun to read, even brushing her fingers passed ones that she was still yet to read. And there were plenty of those. She didn’t really know if she’d ever get to live to read all of the texts in the archives.

She had sat herself down in a small corner of the archive, finishing reading the most recent volume of meditative states. Or at least the most recent one that she had read, it was all too possible that there were more volumes that she hadn’t even seen yet. She kept an eye on the time while eating another bland nutbar, this time with some sort of dried fruit on it. It wasn’t the best lunch, but it would do for now. The perfect moment of finishing a book just when you were needed somewhere else brought a smile to Amyra’s face. She was quick to hand the finished text into Jocasta, thanking her before leaving for the council room. She felt that small build-up of fuzziness from nerves appear in her gut, like always. Even when you knew you hadn’t done anything wrong, meeting directly with the council felt nerve-wracking.

Her knuckles rapped on the door a couple of times before hearing a muffled ‘come in’. She sauntered in, standing tall in the centre of the room with her hands locked behind her back. “You wished for my presence?”

“Yes, we did, we’re thankful that the message for this meeting even got to you - this is urgent,” Master Windu stated, seemingly letting a small breath of relief escape his lips. She knew no one else noticed it, but the small side smile that appeared on his face looking up at Amyra made her nerves calm down. Amyra and Windu’s styles were very similar and they shared the aspect of using a balance of the force. He tended to give her tips on how to stay with the light - not be swayed by the dark side - but still use the force at a higher potential. They were much alike, and she knew that despite the code, he had grown an attachment to her. If only he was as nice to Anakin as he was to her. Especially considering he had lost his master so early on in his training and then had to be given a new master instantly; no time to grieve. She shook the thought from her head before Master Yoda spoke up.

“Important mission for you we have. Appeared in the outer rim, we believe a new sith threat has. Like you to investigate this rumour, we would.” She nodded her head along with his words, making sure she knew what he was asking of her. 

“Understood Master Yoda, do we have any specific information about this Sith?”

“The rumours call him Darth Peitho,” Master Ki-Adi-Mundi said, holding his stare on Amyra for just long enough to make her uneasy. There was a nagging thought in the back of her head that told her she’d heard the word ‘Peitho’ before, maybe she’d have to take a quick trip to the archives again before leaving on this mission. He pulled his gaze away and pulled up a holoprojection of the outer rim. “The latest information we have places him somewhere on the planet of Zoxeria in the Samix Sector of the Outer Rim Territories.” He zooms in on a rich green planet and as the projection spins, she sees a large, circular city. She had a vague idea where it was, trying to estimate travel time through the hyperspace paths. “There is only one main city hub, Zeseras, and our information places him somewhere in this area,” It zooms in once again, this time on the city. A portion somewhere between the edge and the city centre lit up in the top left. It was a large area, but if there was in fact a Sith there, she would sense it. Zoxeria was a very forested planet, usually too dense for anyone to even make a path through. The Zoxerians made it seem easy, but even still the bulk of them chose to live in peace with other species’ within the city walls.

She nodded her head again, understanding the trip ahead fairly well. “Is this all the information we currently have?” A quiet murmur fell over the council and Amyra’s uneasiness returned. She stole a glance at Mace to see even he was a little uneasy himself, hidden behind layers of stoicism.

“These rumours describe Darth Peitho's appearance as very similar to presumed dead Jedi Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi.” He said, letting the room fall silent as the planet holoprojection changed to show Kenobi instead. Amyra took in a sharp breath. She’d met him only a handful of times before, seeing as he was 8 years older than herself. She’d seen him in battle, graceful, powerful, his prowess in saber-fighting impeccable against his peers. But she’d never spoken to him properly before his supposed death. She had still been a padawan, strict training from Adi Gallia meant she rarely had time for chit-chat. She’d heard the story about his death from Qui-Gon Jinn when he returned from Naboo, everyone had. Jinn had said that Kenobi died fighting Darth Maul, both master and padawan underestimating the power of the Zabrak Sith. She’d always suspected something was off with his story, but she’d never be able to know the truth now. 

“Be sceptical of these rumours, we must. Eleven years since his presumed death, it has been. To show his face now, unprecedented, this would be.” Master Yoda resumed, bringing Amyra back to reality. It was true, it had been just over a decade, even a Sith wouldn’t have waited that long to come out of hiding unless for good reason. The conversation didn’t last too long after that, the main questions being asked being when she would need to leave and what she should do if the rumours are true.

“We would prefer if you left as soon as possible. The quicker this is dealt with, the better. We never know when we will need all hands on deck in this war,” Her old master, Adi Gallia, answered with a softness in her eyes. She was proud to see her padawan as a fully-fledged Jedi Knight, that was more than easy to see.

“I’ll see to it that I leave as soon as possible, is there anything else?”

“Not at this moment Varellaac, that is all - you are dismissed.” She bowed in response, turning on her feet and walking out of the council room. When she closed the door behind her, she let out a breath she had no idea she’d been holding. Her thoughts were scrambled, making her distracted on the way back to the main part of the building but eventually, she got her thoughts in order. She knew one thing for sure, she had to search the archive’s for ‘Peitho’. After packing what she presumed she would need into one of the smaller ships, she travelled to the archives. She searched them for only a couple of minutes before coming across what she needed, being guided by a soft swirl in the force that knew what she was looking for. She pulled it from the shelf, seating herself on the floor, leaning against the shelf. The book itself was heavy and full, so to find what she needed she once again had to feel the subtle, soft, swirl of the force. Her eyes closed as she allowed for control to be taken into the metaphorical hands of the force and when she opened her eyes again, she was on the right page.

Her fingers scanned across the worn pages, spotting what she needed about halfway down the page. “Peitho and Keres, rulers of the once lush green, now desolate wasteland of Harivinna-4. Both were known as highly attuned force-users who were self-taught in the ways of the force. Closer to the planet’s desolation, the two began to turn to the dark side and became ruthless. Peitho had become synonymous to the words of seduction and persuasion, their silver-gilded tongue able to talk out of every situation, and Keres becoming synonymous with violence, their wishes to see people suffer becoming greater with each day. Their slow advance to the dark, alongside their connection to the planet itself, resulted in the environment becoming as harsh as they were and eventually turning it into an uninhabitable ball of dust and rock. The story of Peitho and Keres is that of a fall, and a lesson to all Jedi of the dangers of falling to the dark side,” She knew she’d heard the story somewhere, Adi Gallia had explained it to her when she was still a young padawan. 

She copied down the information onto her personal datapad, as well as exactly where to find the book in case the situation would arise that she needed to understand more. Directly after this, she decided to do a check over everything she was taking on this journey. While it wouldn’t take forever (thank force for hyperspace travel) she still needed to make sure that she had enough food supplies for the trip. She finished by packing her speeder, unsure if she’d need it but still a good idea to have it anyway. She appeared in the dining hall for merely a moment, going to take a small bowl of whatever soup was on the menu tonight, when Ahsoka had spotted her. She waved back, picking up the warm-to-the-touch bowl. She wandered over to the table, placing down her bowl and food for the night. 

“So, what was the council after?” She asked, a sly smile on her face. Amyra playfully rolled her eyes, picking up the spoon in the bowl.

“Things that a nosy padawan needn’t hear,” She smiled, lightly tapping Ahsoka on the nose with her finger. She took a sip of the bland soup, hearing Ahsoka groan and seeing her pout childishly.

“Please? I promise I won’t tell anyone!”

She contemplated it, contemplated some more, contemplated again, then just decided to hold Ahsoka in suspense. With a laugh, she finally decided that telling her she would be leaving for almost two days would probably be the better idea. Though there were some things better kept under wraps. “I’m being sent on a mission in the outer rim to investigate the rumours of a new Sith Lord appearing in the area, I’ll be gone for just about two days,”

“What’s this about a Sith Lord?” Quietly called the voice of Anakin Skywalker, alongside some happy chirps from Artoo. He sat down across from his faithful padawan and friend, a small smile on his face. Amyra repeated herself to him, watching as he nodded his head. “And they’re sending you alone?”

“I have had more experience than you Anakin, besides, all it is is a simple investigation. If I find the Sith Lord, I will contact the council,” She felt uneasy not explaining who it was that the rumours described. Anakin had known who Obi-wan was, being Qui-gon’s first padawan before his ‘death’. Amyra hoped to the force that it wasn’t Obi-wan, as much as it was a heartless thing, she hoped that he was dead and that he hadn’t defected - he hadn’t betrayed his master. In truth, she didn’t really know what she would do if it was him. She took another sip of the soup, deep in thought. That was until a hand waved in front of her face. She broke through the trance of thought to look up at her two friends. “What?”

“You zoned out, you finished your soup almost a minute ago,” Ahsoka responded, trying to hold back a laugh. 

Amyra licked her lips quickly, still tasting the lingering soup flavour (although there was little of it, to begin with). She took a glance down to notice that, indeed, her bowl was empty. She really _must_ have been too deep in thought. “You know, we could join you on your investigation,” Anakin added, giving her a charming smile that he usually thought she couldn’t refuse. But this time, she would.

“Unless you both had strict permission from the council, I doubt they’d like that very much. You never know when you’ll be called on to do a mission as well; friendly reminder that Grievous is still out there,” She responded, tilting her head slightly with one raised eyebrow. She watched as Anakin rolled his eyes, his regular smile returning.

“It was worth a try,” 

Their conversation lasted well into the night, surely the council would be annoyed with her when they found out she’d wasted precious time talking with them. But in all honesty, she didn’t care. It helped to calm her nerves and that was all that mattered to her. She saluted a small goodbye to them in the hangar when she was finally ready to leave before closing the hatch and sitting at her captain seat. The first few hours of the journey through hyperspace were relatively boring, she read through her past notes, took periodical naps, then read some more. Before long, she had decided to finally get that meditation session in. She checked to make sure that the ship was still piloting towards Zoxeria before taking a seat on the cold, sheet-metal floor. She crossed her legs, placing her hands over her knees and taking a couple of deep breaths in.

Due to the quiet of space and the lack of distractions, entering that meditative state came easier than expected. Usually, she would use this time to rebalance her use in the force, but this time she was looking at something different. Searching in her memory for any semblance of Obi-wan. Her earliest memory had been of watching him train with Qui-gon, watching and marking techniques in her head like she would with the mechanics in the hangar bay. His Soresu techniques were impeccable and she had always tried to copy, but the way she moved was nowhere near as graceful as him. She had always used a combination of Niman and Vaapad (at the request of Master Windu teaching her while she was still a padawan, Adi Gallia had been a bit annoyed by it but knew he meant well), using both styles often helped to bring her onto the winning side of battles.

As she guided herself through her memories of him, she noticed a change. While he stayed mostly the same in appearance, ageing as normal, his actions became harsher, fighting styles stronger, more aggressive. Still as graceful as they always were, but harsher and angrier. He seemed to get frustrated much more easily. One memory she had stopped on troubled her. She had listened in to a conversation Qui-gon and Obi-wan had been having; it had been anything but civil. She had only heard bits and pieces as her door had been closed. 

_Your emotions are getting the best of you, padawan, maybe it’s best if you take time to rebalance yourself with meditation._

_I don’t need meditation, master, what I need is for the council to understand that it’s possible for the force to be expanded when--_

_Obi-wan, that is against the code._

_Since when were you a strict follower of the code? I thought that you would understand my perspective in this situation. It is all too possible that it is not as..._

The voices dimmed out to the point where she couldn’t hear them anymore when she was brought from her meditation back into her ship. She hit the sheet metal again with a thud, tipping over backwards and hitting her head. There was a calm beeping bouncing around the metal… room? At this point, she was a bit too scrambled to care about labelling. She pushed herself up, walking up to and leaning on the control panel. Zoxeria was right in her face; the beeping telling her that she had arrived. As soon as she shut off one beep, another replaced it, this time on the communications frequency.

“State your purpose in Zoxerian space,”

“I am Jedi Knight Amyra Varellaac, here on an investigative mission set by the Jedi Council, do I have permission to land?” He went quiet for a moment before confirming the information. Of _course,_ the council had pre-approved this with them, more than definitely a bad idea considering she was tracking down a _Sith_ who could be _anywhere_ by now. She huffed a little, noting another stupid move by the council in her head. She piloted towards the closest landing bay to the area she needed to search. She pulled her cloak onto her shoulders, reminding herself that she needed to fix the burn holes on this one. They’d been there for so long she was unsure if she’d ever fix them at this point. She attached a couple of pouches to her utility belt - containing things like credits and some of those bland fruit-and-nut bars - and making sure she had her lightsaber with her. 

As she began to walk out of the ship she looked at where she had packed her bike, wondering why she ever even thought she’d need it. The moment she stepped off the ship, she felt an imbalance in the force, a dark yet bright presence on the planet. It made her stomach churn and uneasiness seeped into her brain. There had only been two other people with this heavy a presence in the force that she knew of; she was still hoping and praying that it wasn’t true. The city itself, however, was an abundance of sights, smells, and species’. Everything was rusted metal with bright neon signs and holograms littering the streets. The pavers under her feet were somewhat wet, a clear sign that it had rained recently. The deeper she got into the residential area, the brighter and clearer the force-signature became. It burned deep in her head as she followed the direction they were moving. She had been following so intently that even distinguishing where she was had become a struggle. Buildings towered over her, causing darkness to envelop the streets.

String lights crossed over the path, bringing the slightest of shines on the wet pavers below. She hadn’t quite realised it, but there was no one here, lights in buildings were either out or flashing, the place seemed desolate. She heard the scuffle of feet behind her and reached for her lightsaber, only to realise it was just some rats. “A Jedi? How very interesting,”

She was quick and smooth with her movements, unclipping her lightsaber and holding it defensively without igniting it. If a Jedi ignited their lightsaber, they intended on a fight. The cool metal in her grip calmed her heart enough to focus. “I didn’t expect to find you all the way out here, or…” She watched as a cloaked figure jumped down from one of the many abandoned buildings, landing with grace and dusting off his hands. “Is it possible you were sent here for me?”

“What do you presume, _Sith Lord_?” She seethed, noting the way he pulled his lightsaber from his belt and twirled it in his hands as if toying with her.

“Given how intent you seem in your words, I chose the latter,” The blade in his hands ignited a deep crimson, still giving no indication of his appearance under the black cloak. He continued to twirl the blade in his hand, so sure of his movements; so calm, so _elegant_. She was sure of it this time, pressing the switch of her own saber, it’s purple hue lighting the surrounding area just the slightest amount. The two seemed to circle around each other forever, the closed-in yet expansive abandoned area almost completely silent. Both were waiting for the other to strike first, to learn the style of one another and counteract it. In a swift movement of power, her opponent struck first. Their sabers clashed against one another, bright sparks of red and purple falling to the ground. The two continued to attack one another, powerful blow after powerful blow. He was so soft-yet-strong in his movements, gracefully moving across the ground after blocking more of Amyra’s emotional strikes. He even anticipated her force-pulling an object from behind him, sending it flying rather in her direction.

It caught her somewhat off guard, focusing on dodging the box rather than her opponent’s move. He managed to clip her arm, slicing open the fabric and her skin. She hissed in pain before perfectly copying a block from her memory, the signature of the one person she had been hoping she wasn’t fighting. One of _Obi-wan’s_ moves. The Sith Lord pressed heavier into the battle, finally letting her see the smirk on his face before he spoke. 

“So I have a fan, do I?” 

Her heart seemed to stop for a moment, her stance faltering before she used a powerful thrust of the force to push him back. The power of the movement caused the hood of his cloak to fall from his head. Sand blonde hair slightly bounced in front of his eyes before he pushed it back with his free hand. A beard framed his face, and it looked just as put together as he himself seemed. And then those damned golden eyes, burning so bright they could’ve been physically glowing. “So, the rumours _are_ true,” she said, voice full of disdain. “Jedi Knight Obi-wan Kenobi defected from the order and betrayed his own master,”

He let out a soft laugh, a look of pure confidence written all over his face. “Oh how you flatter me, but two can play at that game,” he shrugged off his cloak and Amyra copied, trying to focus on anything but the sting of her arm. “Amyra Varellaac, Alderaanian, at the time four years into being Adi Gallia’s padawan and starting to learn the saber-fighting style of Vaapad from its creator, I can continue if you’d like?” She tensed up, gripping her lightsaber harder, trying to calm her breathing. His constant response of a charming smirk worked its way into her head, forcing the unfamiliarity around her to feel crushing. It reminded her of Anakin far too much. “Amyra, I remember you all too familiarly,”

“ _You_ know nothing,”

“Oh, but I do,” he said, sending shivers down her spine. He lunged at her quickly, trying to strike at her. She dodged by jumping up and over him, using the force to propel herself forward. When she tried to strike him from behind, he seemed to have already anticipated her move once again. The theatrics were over, she couldn’t contact the council while in full duel mode. It was a bad choice, but she had to finish this duel one way or another. Attack, parry, attack, parry - the cycle went on and on and Amyra was beginning to get tired. She gravely underestimated his power. The two of them stopped for a moment, returning to circle one another. Amyra was breathing heavily but Kenobi hadn’t even broken a sweat, not even a hair was out of place. “Is the little Jedi getting tired?”

She wiped at her mouth, a snarl on her lips and hot anger in her eyes. “I won’t stop until you’re either in cuffs, or dead,”

“Sounds _divine_ ,”

He was toying with her again, he was far more powerful than her and he knew it. She knew it too. But that wouldn’t stop her attempt to _try_. She lunged at him, forcing her power down, her movements sharp despite being so tired. There was a fire in her eyes and dark pull in the back of her head, a common side effect of the Vaapad style. She forced it back, calming her senses and pressing harder into the block, forcing Kenobi down and teetering her blade closer and closer to his neck. At first, he had looked somewhat worried, but the glance she took back at him changed everything. That _damned smirk_. She lost some of her power, giving him the opportunity to push her back. She stumbled, losing grip of her saber with one hand. It was as if the time around her had slowed. 

He only had to swing once, with such precision that it cleanly sliced her saber hilt in half and grazed her from her collarbone up into her shoulder. She let out a shrill in pain as her eyes saw only hot, searing white. This was the end for her, wasn’t it? Another swing sliced in the general direction of her stomach, however, the blow landed further down on top of her thigh. The pressure of being lifted up into the air by the force was strong, but the second she saw clearly again, she was flying through the air. 

She wasn’t sure of anything when her entire body slammed full force into the wall. 

* * *


	2. In which pain is the only thing that Amyra knows and she’s genuinely getting quite tired of it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to the people who are actually reading this! I hope you’re enjoying reading it as much as I’m enjoying writing it!

* * *

  
How long had it been? Amyra tried to pry her eyes open only to feel a deep throbbing in her head. Her body felt numb for merely a moment until the cells in her body reacted to her awakening. Sparks of pain ran through her nerves and she let out a quiet cry. She used what strength she could to push herself up, trying to force the pain flowing through her body to go away. Her fuzzy memory became clearer, remembering finding Kenobi, the fight that occurred, her _lightsaber being sliced in half_. He had been so precise, she couldn’t believe that he was that skilled. She finally managed to get up to a seated position, realising that she still couldn’t move one of her arms. Her thigh burned as the fabric of her robes dragged over it and she called out in pain. She wouldn’t be walking anywhere in this condition. 

Her eyes opened to see the street in almost complete darkness, the string lights and flashing apartment lights the only semblance of brightness. Her breathing was shallow and she strained her neck a little only to let out a groan. Damned _Kenobi_. Why hadn’t he just killed her on the spot? He _clearly_ had the chance to. He had the upper hand, he could’ve just gotten rid of her then and there. Maybe he didn’t want to, maybe he wanted her to suffer like this, Sith Lords did like pain and suffering. She pushed the thought back, focusing her strength into the force, bringing her cloak towards her and the other half of her lightsaber, the part that she hadn’t been able to save during the battle. Her scratchy cloak stung the open wound on her shoulder and chest, but that pain was nothing new at this point. The pieces of her lightsaber sat in her lap - in such a way that they didn’t touch her thigh wound - before she slid them under her utility belt. They wouldn’t be able to clip to her belt so that had been her only solution.

Her eyelids felt heavy, and she struggled to keep them open. She needed to either get moving or die here, and the latter seemed like the worst option. She scrambled through her head, before remembering the bike. She cursed herself for saying she wouldn’t need it. She focused on the memory of the bike in the ship, using small enough movements that it didn’t hurt. She felt resistance and pressure behind her usage in the force, signifying that she was, in fact, doing something. It felt good to know her connection with the force was still strong enough to do this. The strain she was putting on her head to pull this bike closer to her was definitely taking its toll as she felt the pounding get worse.

It clunked on the ground in front of her and she pulled herself forward, ignoring the incessant pains and pressing a button. She watched as it popped open and hovered just off the ground, at a perfect height for her usual stature. She took a seat on it, pushing the handles forward, it whirring into life. The buildings moved quickly around her and the cool air stung in her eyes. When she arrived, the Zoxerian guards had moved from patrol. She was glad in truth, this was not somewhere she wanted to be recovering. She parked the bike and closed the hatch, taking a seat on the captain's chair and plotting the course to the closest planet she knew of that the Republic was allied with. Pantora.

With the coordinates set, she sank back into the chair and groaned, pain the only thing coursing through her veins. “Where’s that damned medkit?” She mumbled, her vision blurry at best. Her eyes finally settled on the correct cabinet and she hobbled over to it. As she sat back down and opened it, she was thankful that she had chosen one of the newer ships. Had she gone with an older one, who would’ve known if the medkit was even still here. Not to mention that the compact bacta strips in the bag were just long enough to cover the shoulder wound, yet another reason to be thankful. Although, she was quick to realise that the amount of bacta on them was not standard, more than likely below standard actually. But it would do for now, at least until she reached Pantora.

She undid her belt, not caring that the pieces of her saber were now on the floor, and she pushed her robes aside. She tore along the already burned marks of her undershirt to make way. The bacta worked quickly once applied, the warm, calming feeling giving her more strength and focus almost in an instant. Well, at least enough that she could actually start to feel her fingers again. She attempted to apply a strip to her thigh before realising it was too difficult with her current mobility and _clothing choices._ When her arm felt capable again, she reached out to bring her saber-pieces back up with the force.

The metal and wires had melted where the cut was made, and she could already see that the crystal was intact. She breathed a sigh of relief. If that had been hit, things would’ve gone a lot worse than they did. As she looked closer, however, many of the parts were damaged beyond repair. She was going to have a _blast_ explaining this to the council.

It was well over an hour before the ship arrived at Pantora. And even the bacta strips could rid her of all pain forever. Now she just had pins-and-needles running down her arm and it hurt to even move it an inch. She was breathing heavily again, trying to push away the pain. A small number of the originally cauterised wounds had opened, more than likely from movement and she had been focused on cleaning those. When the long-awaited communications frequency signal chimed around the ship, she was quick to answer (despite the immense pain her sharp movements caused her).

“Please state your name and purpose,” the voice crackled over the frequency.

“A… Amyra Varellaac of the Jedi Order. I was attacked on the planet of Zoxeria and I need somewhere to… to…” she felt dizzy, really dizzy. “Uhm… I need to get help for my… for my wounds,” she felt the trickle of blood run down her chest and arm, dripping onto the floor simultaneously.

The officer behind the communication forced an override of the ship controls, remotely landing the ship on the planet. She heaved herself up, stumbling harshly over to the hatch and slamming her hand on the button. All she remembered before her memory cut out, was falling.

* * *

“She had sustained two deep saber cuts, a minor saber cut, a concussion, and minor blood loss, Senator,” called the slightly dull voice of a medical droid. Her eye’s opened hazily, almost entirely unsure of where she was. Though one thing was for certain, she did feel lighter than air, which was certainly an odd feeling. She couldn’t really move, but she was nice and warm, that was a plus. As a few small feelings came back to her she realised the breathing mask on her face and tried to tilt her head. It felt… _slimy_. It hit her like a blaster bolt, she was in a bacta tank - or at least a _type_ of bacta tank. The bacta had been covering the majority of her, but not her face, begging the question of why she needed the breathing mask.

She didn’t really question it.

At least her head felt better, no more throbbing, that was nice...

No more pain in her shoulder either…

Or her thigh…

_Force forbid_ , as nice as it was in the bacta, she couldn’t stand to be alone with her thoughts like this. She struggled to pull one arm out of the gelatinous fluid before the other and began to push herself up. She hadn’t even noticed the aid of a medical droid before having her mask taken off. She shook her hands free of the lasting bacta and palmed at her eyes, clearing the sleepiness away. “Oh thank goodness, you’re awake, you had me frightened for a long while Amyra,” She turned her head to see Senator Riyo Chuchi, her golden eyes a much friendlier sight than the thought of Kenobi’s. She moved her stiffened shoulder, forcing a small grunt to exit her mouth. Maybe she hadn’t been in the bacta quite long enough yet. “I’ve already contacted the council on your rather, unexpected visit,” she had a soft smile on her face; her hand on Amyra’s still slightly slimy arm. “However, they did request that you contact them as soon as you’re well enough,”

“How long was I out for?” Her voice was hoarse, much worse than when Ahsoka had interrupted her meditation. Riyo’s smile faded slightly and she lost eye contact.

“Just over a day, you were in pretty bad shape when you landed, I was so worried for you,” the sentiment made Amyra smile a little, starting to feel the effects of being out of the bacta partially take effect. Her neck stiffed a little - she’d never really had the best luck with bacta tanks. Everyone else she’d encountered had said they felt great afterwards, she’d always felt worse for a few days then felt fine. “Oh! I forgot to mention, Master Skywalker and Ahsoka are here on Pantora as well. When I told the council about how we received you, apparently they couldn’t be stopped from coming here; they brought you some new robes,”

With the help of the medical droid, Amyra got out of the tank, a little wobbly but mostly stable. She walked towards the small sink and mirror in the room, looking at her appearance. The wound on her thigh had more-or-less completely healed to a scar at this point, but she couldn’t say the same about her shoulder, the skin around it still red and the spot itself not having fully scarred over. She ran her fingertips over the sensitive skin on her collarbone, flinching slightly when it seemed like her nerves said ‘don’t touch here’. Shaking her head, she turned back to Riyo. “Where did you say those robes were?”

It took her longer than expected to get dressed, but as she tightened her utility belt, she felt comfortable once again. She was thankful that after she had been taken in, Riyo personally went through the main cabin of her ship and took everything out that she thought the Jedi would need, including her utility belt and inevitably her broken lightsaber. Despite it all, she was most glad to have the pouches on her utility belt back. Before going to Zoxeria, she had taken her locket off and put it in the food pouch, not wanting it to be lost at any cost; it had been falling off quite a lot recently. She really hadn’t wanted to lose it, being the only reminder of her family that she had, her _whole_ family. No harm could come to her having it on while on Pantora, leading for her to string it around her neck and out from under her robes. She tried her best to force the clip to stay closed, hoping that it would stay for at least until she had some time to get it fixed.

Being out of the bacta put a painful strain behind her eyes and too much light just seemed to make it worse. She rubbed at her eyes and temples, trying to make the pain go away as she waddled towards where Riyo had told her the mess hall was for the medical ward. Pushing her way through the door, she was almost instantaneously met with a pair of arms wrapping around her and fervent words being spilt into her shoulder; getting lost before they even got processed. She looked to the side to see white and blue alongside the beaded padawan chain of Ahsoka. Amyra smiled, glad to see another familiar face, or at least the side of her head. Honestly, however, she was just happy that it wasn’t her hurt shoulder that Ahsoka was leaning into. She quickly hugged back, catching a glimpse of Anakin walking towards them as well.

“Here we were thinking you’d be back by day two, but three days go by and now we’re on Pantora and you’ve been in bacta for a day,” he said, a soft smile on his features.

“I’m glad to see you too,” she replied as Ahsoka pulled back, her expression passing along so many different emotions. 

“We were so worried, what happened out there?” Ahsoka asked as the three of them found the closest spot possible to set themselves. Amyra rubbed her forehead, closing her eyes for some kind of solace from the light.

She breathed out heavily, her face falling blank. When her eyes opened again, so did her mouth to speak. “The Sith Lord managed to best me, I didn’t have the opportunity to inform the council before he locked me in a duel,” she slowly palmed over where she hid her broken lightsaber before pulling the pieces out. “His skill was incredible, he was so precise that he managed to destroy my own lightsaber and cut through my shoulder with one blow, I was sure I was done for,”

“But hey, you made it out alive, I’d call that a success” Anakin replied. She smiled for merely a second before replying, gripping the pieces of her lightsaber tighter. 

“You and I have very differing opinions on what is considered a ‘success’, Anakin,” in truth, she felt a little ashamed to have lost against a Sith Lord and not died in the process. She wasn’t sure why; living to tell the tale was probably a good thing. “I may have found o— the Sith Lord, but I lost our duel, my lightsaber, and almost got myself killed, I wouldn’t truly consider that a _success_ …” Her friends fell silent, she knew Anakin had only meant to lighten the mood, but she couldn’t help how she felt about the situation. She forced back the tightness in her eyes, tears pricking at her waterline. She had so many questions, _why_ hadn’t Kenobi just damn well killed her, _why_ had he just left her on Zoxeria, _why would a Sith Lord let a Jedi live_? She threw her head back, too fast apparently as her head just hurt even more.

“Despite all Amyra, we're just glad that you’re alive,” this time, all the playfulness and lightheartedness in Anakin’s voice had left, leaving only the true sentiment behind his words. She let out a small ‘thank you’, her unsteady mind calming down slightly. She let out a deep breath before standing up from the couch the three had found themselves.

“Well, I guess it’s time to make that call with the council,”

* * *

She had become anxious in the time between now and the conversation in the mess hall, unsure of how the council would take any of the information. She stood alone in the expansive meeting room, waiting for the holograms of each of the master’s to appear in front of her. With just the click of a finger, one by one they began appearing. When she was sure they had all appeared, she gave a small bow, keeping a blank expression. “Thank you for your time, Master’s,”

“Varellaac, what happened on Zoxeria?” Mace didn’t sound patient, not even the slightest bit. 

“After I tracked down Darth Peitho, he trapped me in a battle, I had no choice but to fight and I had no way to contact the council,” she was fidgety, her previous feelings of shame having turned to agitation. “He was much more skilled than I anticipated and he managed to destroy my lightsaber in the process of defeating me, I’m… still unsure as to why I am alive at this moment,”

“Most interesting, this information is. A Sith Lord sparing their opponent, common, this is not.” Master Yoda replied, taking on her words carefully.

“Is there anything more that you can tell us about this new threat?” Her heart felt heavy at the words of her former master. She truly didn’t want to believe it herself, but the council had to know.

“The rumours are true, Darth Peitho is defected Jedi Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi,” her words felt like a knife cutting through the air, piercing the hearts of many of the masters. Their faces fell, obviously distressed by the revelation. 

“This is, certainly not the kind of outcome we were hoping for, Kenobi had been one of the order’s highest level students, it is a great tragedy to now know that he has fallen to the dark side,” the other masters seemed in agreement with Ki-Adi-Mundi and Amyra balled her hands into fists at her side, thinking back to the toying during their spat. Peitho was too perfect of a name choice for the man. 

“Kenobi?” Amyra looked up from the ground, surprise widening her eyes. She turned around to see Anakin standing at the entrance of the room. “Obi-Wan… fell to the dark side?” Her heart broke to hear the despair in his voice.

“Anakin, I—“

“You never told me the Sith Lord was _him_ ,”

She turned to look back at the council, seeing more than one of them nod their head, knowing she needed to deal with the here and now. She ended the transmission and took in a deep but shaky breath. “Anakin, I had strict orders not to explain my mission to anyone else, I gave you and Ahsoka the barest of details because I didn’t believe it myself at first,”

“ _You’re wrong,_ ”

She shook her head. “Excuse me?”

“I said _you’re wrong_. Obi-Wan would’ve _never,_ you didn’t know him,”

“And you did? I _fought_ him Anakin, you were _nine-years-old_ , as much as you’re against this, it was _him_ ,” she felt her chest tighten again. “You weren’t the one to experience his fall,”

There was a wave of anger behind his eyes, a fire that didn’t want to be stoked. “He saved me from slavery - from Tatooine, he protected his master until his final moments, he couldn’t have fallen,”

“Protest as much as you feel is needed Anakin, but I saw him face to face, I saw the change of his heart, he remembered pieces of my history only he would know, he knew _specifics_ ,” she felt the tears run down her face at this point. “I looked up to him eleven years ago, I was seventeen. In battle he told me my _name_ , where I was _from_ , he knew that Adi Gallia was my master at the time, he knew I’d only been a Padawan for _four years_ when he fell, I just noticed it too late to tell anyone,” she let out a cry. “As much as I don’t want to say it, _Qui-Gon Jinn lied about the death of his Padawan_!”

“I don’t believe you!” He was adamant, but even she could sense that part of him knew the truth. “My master never lied, about _anything_!”

“I’m sorry, Anakin,” she wiped away the tears on her cheeks but more continued to fall. “I really wish this wasn’t our reality,”

* * *


	3. In which Amyra really wishes Ilum wasn’t so cold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I went through the previous chapters to hopefully remedy the mistake I made in years. Technically, if I were to make this set during Clone Wars, it would've been eleven years ago and not ten. Hopefully, I've reconciled this. You may also recognise this as being the premise of a Clone Wars episode, but shhhhhh. Sidenote, Grammarly really hates the way I spell 'saber'.
> 
> Also, this is an extremely long chapter which is why it took me so long to write haha!

* * *

This image is just here to show you what her hair looks like since I have no clue how I would _actually_ go about describing it.

* * *

Needless to say, Amyra wasn’t all too happy with the previous hour.

Her argument with Anakin put a lot of strain on each of them for different reasons, and she could sense that - even if he was off in some other part of the complex - he really didn’t want to talk to her right now. She could live with that. He was obviously going through denial and she didn’t want to make it any worse than she already had. _Force_ , could the past few days have gone any worse? She tried to push the thought from her mind, focusing on trying to fix the clasp of her locket. It was a frustrating task, but at least it was teaching her to be more patient, certainly something she needed to learn more of at this point in time. The bacta strip on her shoulder and chest warmed the skin while it worked whatever scientific magic it possessed as she once again threw the small chain at the ground. She was never gonna get anywhere with it at this rate.

But the locket itself deserved more care and attention than she was giving it. Her fingers grasped at the small, golden object and pressed down, watching the hologram display of her family, her _whole_ family, float just above the small locket. She knew that keeping attachments was against the code, but she couldn’t just leave her family in the dust. For years she had been writing secret letters back and forth with her mother and sister, knowing what went on in their life and how Alderaan changed with the seasons. Every now and then they would send a recipe as well. She was always comforted by them, but her father seemed to be the sore spot that wouldn’t heal. She very vaguely remembered him before the time that he disappeared.

She knew of him as kind and loyal, wise and caring, she just couldn’t work out why he would disappear without a trace. She clicked in the locket again, shutting off the projection and feeling even heavier in her heart. She really wished she could tell her mother and sister about what was going on right now. Leaning back against the bacta tank, she closed her eyes wishing to finally not see anything her imagination could come up with. Instead, however, came the haunting image of Kenobi’s golden eyes and smirk, she just couldn’t seem to get away. Her eyes shot open again, feeling a sudden surge of tiredness. How long had she been working on the stupid clasp anyway? She looked around in the room for a moment before finding the clock. It seemed to have been at least two hours, leading way into the night. 

She rubbed at her eyes before running her hands through her hair. She’d taken it out of the style she’d usually do just to wash it, being in the bacta had made it less than luxurious feeling. She’d just have to redo it in the morning. The tiredness in her mind seemed to just keep getting greater, maybe she’d just close her eyes for a couple minutes.

* * *

She seemed to wake up slowly, groggily, her surroundings appearing distant before becoming clear. She soon realised that the whole room was shrouded in darkness, confusing for the fact that she never closed the blinds. She placed her hands out in front of her, feeling along the floor only to feel cool metal and nothing else. She was sure that she had left her locket here. Something felt incredibly off, something definitely wasn’t right. 

There was a subtle presence in the back of her head, something warm and familiar yet so distant and… angry. The increasing anger in the back of her head began to throb and her chest seemed to seize up. Something in the force had shifted, and she wasn’t sure of what. She squeezed her eyes shut, raising her hands to her ears as whispers began to envelop the room. What the _kriff_ was going on? The whispers soon turned to screams, screams in a language she didn’t understand, single words that were in obvious intent as being degrading. When her eyes shot open again, she stood before herself, the voices having ceased down to a nonexistent echo.

“There will come a time that you have to choose, I advise that you choose _wisely,_ ” The words of her own voice echoed in her head before a crimson flare slashed through her vision.

She jolted up in a cold sweat, hands clammy and breathing erratic. She was back in the medical ward, heart racing. She looked around frantically, seeing the various tools on the floor and the still broken chain of her locket. It grounded her somewhat, knowing that this wasn’t some kind of horrible dream. What even _was_ that dream anyway? _She’d have to choose_? Whatever that meant, she didn’t know. The thought of the dream unsettled her, was it even a dream? She pushed herself up from the ground, rubbing her hands over her eyes.

“Come on Amyra, snap out of it, it’s just a dream it doesn’t mean anything,” _But what if it wasn’t?_ The nagging thought pushed through the crowd of her mind, making her let out a groan. Surely Riyo wouldn’t mind if she just went on a short walk. She pulled her cloak over her shoulders, more as a way for warmth than for decency. With the breaking of dawn sprawling through the windows she felt much better, away from the complete darkness from her dream. Her feet padded across the cool stone flooring, hands dragging along the walls. When she entered the mess hall, she found it deserted aside from a small handful of Pantorans. She breathed a heavy sigh and pulled her cloak closer, walking towards the small banquet table of snacks. She picked up a few things, just some of those fruit-and-nut bars (it seemed like the whole galaxy loved those things, force knows why) and Pantoran snacks she couldn’t possibly name.

She picked a couch in the corner of the room to sit and eat, still trying to wake herself up. The calmness of small talk and light clattering of dishes in the expansive room put her mind at ease for once in the past few days. For once she felt like nothing was happening, and she was incredibly glad for it. Maybe she could finally get some meditation in without instantly thinking of Kenobi’s haunting image. When she finished the last bite of what seemed like some kind of protein ball, she dusted off her hands and made the move to sit on the floor. She sat down in such a way that a nearby room divider blocked her from view as she crossed her legs. Her hands rested on her knees and she began to steady her breathing. She whispered the mantras feeling her head slow; calm to a stop. Her mind was finally empty and able to think again.

_\--follower of the code? I thought that you would understand my perspective in this situation. It is all too possible that it is not as evil as the council makes it out to be, the force is not just one-sided, it has many pathways._

_While that may be true Obi-wan, the Dark Side often leads you down a path that you cannot retreat from. Many of the forces uses are equally as detrimental for the Jedi as they are for the Sith. Now please, go and meditate on your choices before I have a sudden change of heart and turn your_ imaginative _thoughts into the council! I have already covered for your behaviour too many times, if you continue like this the council will get suspicious and then both of us will be reprimanded._

Amyra blinked a couple times, feeling herself slowly drift to the floor as Qui-gon’s voice faded away. On one hand, she had finally mastered deep meditation, enough that it caused her to hover in the air and come back down without falling, and on the other, she had unlocked the final moments of the conversation Qui-gon and Obi-wan had had outside of her door. To say the least, she was confused. She had been sure that Qui-gon hadn’t realised the extent of Kenobi’s fall, but it turned out that he had been harbouring the thoughts the entire time. There was only one person who would need to hear this fact, but she wasn’t sure if he was ready for that conversation. She stood up and shook out her body, sending shivers through her spine. Despite all, however, she still felt calm and like herself again. She barely had any pain from her wounds anymore, not even the slightest strain of a concussion.

The walk back to her room was much nicer than earlier that morning, the sun having risen fully and her mind finally quiet. After stepping inside, her eyes instantly fell to the small array of tools on the floor around her locket. Maybe now she’d actually be able to figure out what was wrong with it in the first place. After taking off her cloak, she once again sat on the floor against the bacta tank and began working, feeling the bacta strip on her shoulder begin to fall off. She ignored it, falling deep into the zone until she was once again unsure of the time. 

“Done,” she said, a proud smile on her face as she finally fixed the clasp that had been giving her so much trouble. She strung it around her neck as a soft knock could be heard from the doorway. “Come in!”

“Good morning Amyra, you seem much healthier than you did just yesterday,” the soft voice of Riyo called. She smiled again and slightly bowed her head to the senator.

“I _feel_ much healthier,” she replied, fiddling with the pendant around her neck. Maybe that was why it broke in the first place, maybe she fiddled with it too much. “I feel as though Coruscant isn’t too far a goal anymore,”

“It’s a good thing that you mentioned it, I received a transmission last night asking of your condition after your, uh, argument with Master Skywalker,” Riyo walked in and joined the Jedi on the floor. “When I said that you were much healthier - to the point where moving around and doing mundane tasks was a breeze - they requested that you return as soon as possible,” Amyra nodded her head, hiding the locket under her shirt and pulling the bacta strip off. She rolled her shoulder, not feeling any pain and folding the used strip in half. 

“I guess today will be that day then, thank you for lending me these tools, I don’t know what I would’ve done if I couldn’t fix that clasp,” She picked up the rest of her robes from the floor, finding it oddly difficult to do while sitting. Eventually, she got it, she’d just have to fix it once she stood up. 

“I thought that Jedi weren’t allowed to have personal items like that, something about living as minimalists?” She was, ultimately correct - the Jedi were supposed to _not_ care about material things. Amyra side smiled, giving a little shrug.

“Every Jedi has broken the code at least once, none of us are always loyal,” She thought on it a second, before continuing. “Well, Master Yoda is probably the Jedi who follows the code the closest, I don’t believe I’ve _ever_ seen them break the code,” Her conversation with Riyo continued on and on until all the tools were packed up and Amyra had everything she needed from the room. Which, to be fair, wasn’t much. Just her previous robes, cloak, and broken lightsaber. She wrapped the pieces inside of her previous robes as she walked with Riyo back to her ship. Amyra soon realised that they really hadn’t touched much, seeing the dried blood on the captain’s seat and floor. She’d deal with that back on Coruscant. 

It was only moments later that Ahsoka and Anakin appeared in the landing bay also, walking towards their own ship. She still felt bad about not telling them, _him_ , but she had always subconsciously known that he would react with denial. She and Riyo began to trek towards them, Ahsoka giving off her usual friendly smile, whereas Anakin was distant, refusing to look at Amyra. He acknowledged that Riyo was standing next to her, yet all he wanted to do was pack their things back in the ship. “Skyguy’s been moody all morning, what happened with you two last night?”

Amyra chewed at her lip a little before answering. “I hid information about the Sith Lord from both of you and when he found out, he didn’t take it well, quite… terribly, actually,” Ahsoka made an o shape with her mouth before glancing up at Anakin, who was busying himself with placing items away in compartments. “I didn’t want to, but I had orders from the council to keep my mission on the low. I told you the barest of details because the information I was given wasn’t solid, then I found that it was all true,” 

“So, who was it anyway?”

Her chest seized up for a second, and she tried to think of a good enough response that wouldn’t upset either of them. Enough information that Ahsoka would be happy with it, and little enough that it didn’t make Anakin feel worse. “Someone from our past who we… believed was dead, eleven years ago he was presumed dead however it now seems like he went into hiding for that little-over-a-decade,”

Ahsoka crossed her arms, seemingly getting the idea that it would just hurt Anakin to say exactly who. “Given that I was just a youngling at the time, I doubt I would even remember who you’re talking about,”

“I’d say that's for the best, if you knew him as Anakin or I did, you’d have a hard time facing him,” Her hand instinctively went to hold her shoulder, still not being fully able to comprehend that someone she looked up to could’ve hurt her so horridly. Ahsoka nodded and gave a sympathetic smile, opening her arms out for a hug. Amyra couldn’t deny one of Ahsoka’s hugs. It wasn’t for very long, but it was a nice feeling nonetheless. “I’ll see you guys back on Coruscant,”

“Make sure not to take any detours this time,” The padawan called out as she stepped onto the ship and pressed the button to close the hatch. Now was her own turn to take the intrepid journey back through hyperspace to Coruscant.

* * *

While it may have been hours, possibly longer, it felt like mere moments before Coruscant came back into view. She had just finished tying the white ribbons in her hair off as she landed in the hangar bay, having used the auto-docking mechanic. She pulled out her personal items, neatly parking her bike in the spot she always did and bringing the other items with her into the temple. Thankfully, talk hadn’t spread, or at least none of the Jedi Knights were talking about her little _adventure_. She was sure that if the padawans found out they would be nonstop talking about it. As she reached her room, she couldn’t have been happier to see the small room again, despite how bland it was. She placed her old robes on her bed, unravelling them and picking up the pieces of her broken saber. She could try to fix it, but she figured it wouldn’t be the smartest idea in case she did something wrong and ended up creating an explosion. Yeah, not something she wanted to risk.

She tucked them into her belt once again and made the trek to the council room, knowing that they would still be in at this point. She knocked politely on the door, hearing the faint ‘enter’ of Ki-Adi-Mundi. As she entered, there almost seemed to be a collective sigh of relief. Once again standing within the middle of the room, she kept her hands at her side. “It’s good to have you back Varellaac,” Master Mundi said, taking his seat. She noticed a couple of empty seats in the room, however, decided not to speak of it, recognizing that they were more than likely helping in the war efforts. She replied with a short ‘glad to be back’ message before hearing Yoda begin to speak.

“Destroyed during battle your lightsaber was. May we see, hmm?”

“Yes, of course, Master Yoda,” She bowed her head slightly before pulling the pieces from the belt and resting them in her hand. He seemed to inspect them very carefully, however, he seemed troubled by the end.

“Attempt to repair this lightsaber, you should not. Calls to you, this crystal no longer does.” She was stunned, how could he tell? “Sense confusion, I do. Come, attempt to call upon the lightsaber,” He held the small piece in his hand as she focused her energy on the crystal, trying to connect with it. After only a couple seconds of trying, she gave up, ultimately knowing that Master Yoda was correct. “Troubling you, this fact is. Go to Ilum with the next group of younglings and attend The Gathering, you should.”

She crossed her arms in front of her, nodding her head. “When is the next sun rotation on Ilum?”

“In a couple of days, about three,” Mace Windu said, finally speaking up. “We’ll have Padawan Tano join you,” her mind began to drift, back to her dream. “Is there more that you wish to share?”

She looked up from her gaze on the floor and shook her head. “Just something I feel I should meditate on, if it continues to trouble me I will come speak with you,” Master Yoda didn’t seem to buy it, but didn’t push it either.

“Meet with the younglings you should. Teaching them in the morning, I will be. Requested for Padawan Tano to join us also, I have.” The conversation didn’t last much longer after that. Soon after she had given more information about _Peitho,_ she had been dismissed. At the current moment, she had chosen a calm, empty balcony to sit on and meditate. It seemed like it was her favourite pastime. The calm swirl of the force took refuge in her mind as she sank deeper into thought, breathing steadily and clearing her head of unwanted thoughts. She focused on the dream she’d had but felt… nothing, absolutely nothing. As if it had been erased from her memory. She became confused, searching harder and deeper into the comfort of her own mind.

But she turned up empty. It was odd to say the least, that she remembered the dream so vividly yet could not find it anywhere in the deeper places of her mind. She continued to scour her own mind as a way to pass the time, every now and then coming across a dark thought and killing it from her head immediately. However it was that ‘killing a thought’ worked. When she returned to the real world, she watched over the bustling skies of Coruscant. Speeders in unity across the air and rolling clouds cutting through the tallest of buildings. She was incredibly relieved to be back.

* * *

She’d never found a use for an alarm clock, Ahsoka was enough of an early morning wake-up call. Her happy door-knocking woke Amyra up, a little groggy and disoriented from how intensely she had cleansed her mind the previous afternoon. She sat up, rubbing at her eyes and pulling her belt over from the edge of the bed. She tightened it as she stood up and walked over to the door, opening it, a familiar and déjà vu inducing scene. Though she knew exactly why. Ahsoka stood there, her ever glowing smile infecting Amyra who began smiling as well. They held light conversation on the way, finally reaching where Yoda had been teaching the small group of younglings. From just a small pass over, she counted about nine of them.

They seemed to be meditating when the two arrived, staying quiet and waiting. “Guests we have, younglings.” Master Yoda’s words slowly brought each of them out of their meditative states and they looked up at Amyra and Ahsoka with a subtle glow in their eyes, childhood hope and excitement. Seeing the future of the Jedi always made her feel at peace. “Come to speak about The Gathering have they,”

Eyes focused on the two of them as they stepped forward and sat in front of the small group. “The Gathering is a very special time in the life of a Jedi, and where we will be going, there is no place more sacred to the order. You nine have shown to be the best of the best, granting you way forward to becoming a Jedi,”

“Padawan Tano, Master Varellaac, what is The Gathering?” A Twi’lek girl Amyra knew to be named Koyi asked.

“Younglings, in three days, you will be building your own lightsabers,” Amyra replied, a soft smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. Subtle chatter erupted from them, excited voices alongside anxious ones. “Padawan Tano and I will be accompanying you on Ilum also,”

“Remember that Ilum is a mostly ice planet, you will be wearing your coats for the majority of the time there, we will be seeing you again soon,” the short-lived speech from the pair ended soon after they explained the time they would be needed at the hangar bay, and they left with a ‘may the force be with you’. Breakfast was the same blandness as always, somehow beginning to taste of nothing. Amyra and Ahsoka were sat at one of the farthest tables from the rest of the crowds, pleasantly enjoying each other’s company.

“Seeing the future of the Jedi always seems to have positive effects on me, would you say the same for yourself?” She asked just as Ahsoka had taken a bite of whatever the breakfast was this morning. Like many mornings before it, it just looked like a block of oats, fruit, and other nutrient-rich additions. But it tasted like nothing, despite how many things were actually in it. _Just the Jedi way_ she supposed. Stupid excuse. 

“Seeing younglings succeed does make me happy, I would say that,” her friend replied after swallowing the bite she’d taken. “I just fear that with the growth of the separatists and the Sith that more will fall to the temptation of the Dark Side,”

“With Master Yoda at the helm, that won’t happen,” Amyra stuck her fork in a piece of the food before pointing it at Ahsoka. “He can detect things like that long before they happen,” 

“You’re right, I really don’t have anything to worry about,”

For the rest of breakfast, the two mostly talked in between bites of their food, not once seeing Anakin. She was still blaming herself for that, there was a lot that she should have told him from the beginning. She found herself wandering the temple halls after breakfast, too calm to meditate yet too restless to go and sit in the archives to just _read._ The sunlight streaming through the windows was a lovely indicator of the time as she aimlessly wandered around. Every now and then someone would stop to say hello, but it was nothing more than that.

She had found herself in one of the many lightsaber training rooms - empty and quiet. It was an unusual sight considering this was usually the perfect time of day for younglings and Padawans to be truly honing their skills, but she brushed the thought aside. She walked over to where the training-sabers were stored and picked one up in her hand. She flicked the power switch, the saber zapping to life and whirring in the air as she spun it around in her hands. Usually, she’d only train with one, but something was pushing her to use two, like a subconscious thought and feeling. She wasn’t sure why, but as she held both sabers, she felt balanced. Using the force, she called forth a number of dummies to practice on, swinging back and forth and making sure to use both sabers in conjunction with the other.

The sabers continued to thunk against the wooden dummy, a result of the practice sabers being unable to cut anything. She soon moved onto dummies that moved around while being controlled by droids. She refocused herself and quietened her mind, striking dummies again and again and again. She was sharp in her movements, and so deeply concentrated that she hadn’t even realised the small entourage she had accumulated at the entrance to the room. A deep heat formed in her shoulder as she continued to strike at them and block the stun bolts sent from the droids. She ignored it, knowing it was just residual feelings from before being in bacta. She was smooth in her movements, but getting heavier and heavier, feeling a dark pull even if they weren’t real enemies. 

She may have let it go for a bit too long and her emotions got the best of her, managing to separate the head of the training droid from the rest of its body. Afterwards, she pulled back, turning off the sabers and pushing back against the dark swirl in her head. Too far, she went too far. She quickly got down on her knees, placing the sabers by her side and retreating into her mind. Her mind was crawling with wrong emotions, the darker parts of the force overpowering the light. She steadied her breathing, pushing back negativity, pushing back thoughts of temptation, pushing back thoughts of _Kenobi_. Even the good memories, she still pushed them back.

When she opened her eyes again, Anakin was kneeling in front of her, a concerned look on his face. She was a Jedi, she wasn’t _supposed_ to show emotion, but that look of concern pushed down the walls of protection she had built around her mind and heart. Anakin knew what he had to do. He rushed towards the entrance and pushed everyone away, closing the door and turning back to Amyra. She had stood up, wobbly on her feet, and felt a flood. She felt small; covered her mouth with a hand as her vision blurred over. She let out a cry as a tear fell from her eyes and pooled where her hand met her face. Anakin raced up to her, giving her a tight hug and trying to hush her. She knew that he wasn’t always the best person in dealing with emotions, but the least he was doing was helping a friend.

It only made her cry harder, that feeling of familiar warmth, the familiar warmth of a friend rather than a pull in the wrong direction. Maybe practising hadn’t been the best course-of-action. Things had just piled up over only a couple of days, the return of Kenobi, being _beaten_ by him, losing her lightsaber, the one thing that was considered a Jedi’s _life._ As much as she didn’t want to admit it, she wasn’t as steady as she had people perceive. “I’m so sorry Anakin, for not telling you earlier,”

“It’s okay ‘Myra, I’ve grown to understand it,”

* * *

Amyra sat on one of the benches in the room, leaning against the wall, still calming down. Anakin had just finished cleaning up the wrecked droid, pushing it into the metaphorical cupboard for someone else to deal with. He walked back over to her, the concerned stare still evident in his eyes. “You doing any better?”

“Yeah, guess the residual feelings I thought I’d buried from all those years ago are coming back to haunt me,” She said, still breathing out steadily. She wiped at her cheeks, getting rid of any wet tears still there. She thought about it, maybe he deserved to know, maybe he deserved to see what she had seen. “Anakin, do you wish to see a memory I have of Obi-wan before… all of this mess? It…” She was still somewhat afraid to say it. “May help you understand even clearer what I mean when I say he fell,”

Anakin was quiet for a moment, seemingly thinking over her question. She didn’t know whether he was ready for it, truth be told he didn’t seem to be ready for it either, yet still, he agreed. The two of them moved to sit on the floor, facing one another. The act of sharing a memory required the deepest of concentration; with all the meditation she had done in the past few days she was relatively sure it would work. She placed her hands on her knees and shut her eyes, knowing that he had copied. They synced up their breathing, trying their hardest to concentrate on just each other’s force signature. Soon, it worked. Their minds linked up and she stepped back in her mind towards the last conversation from Obi-wan and Qui-gon. She could sense that Anakin was uneasy but was ultimately trying to stay in the memory. 

However, after the conversation between master and padawan had finished, her mind wandered. Towards a memory that she thought she had long forgotten. It had been one of the very few moments in which she and Kenobi had indirectly interacted. They had been anything but friends, but it wasn’t like they disliked each other either. They just never really got any closer than acquaintances. She had been watching him practice much like she just had, with nothing to do. She was only fourteen at the time, a year into her padawan studies, her first experiences with noting his fighting styles and trying to copy his moves. She’d forgotten just how much she’d idolised him as a fighter. He had struck the training droid just like she had, separating the droid in half with the training saber. He too had fallen and tried to clear his mind. He’d known she was there, and he shut her out. She left without saying anything to anyone, she hadn’t told Adi Gallia, she hadn’t told any of the other masters. She’d just kept his emotional outburst to herself. She knew how much of a prodigy the council saw him as and didn’t want to disrupt that over something as small as emotions. At the time she was still learning to control her own, why would it have been any different from Obi-wan?

She forced a release of the two of them from her memory, taking in a sharp breath when her eyes shot open. Anakin rubbed at his temples, obviously feeling the effects of being ripped from a meditative state without warning. “You weren’t supposed to see _that_ ,” She sounded unsure, searching for a reason why her mind brought them there.

Anakin huffed a little before looking up at her with a somewhat strained look. “Judging from your tone seems like you weren’t meant to see it either,”

* * *

The trip to Ilum couldn’t have come any sooner, but as she waited with Ahsoka in the hangar - clad in their coats - she was just glad to be leaving. Eventually, all nine had shown up, perfectly on time, some earlier than others. They boarded the ship - The Crucible - almost instantly, some of the younglings taking off their coats for the journey. It was warm in the ship; she couldn’t lie about that. The hyperspace path took the least time, only around an hour, before they entered the unknown regions on their way to Ilum. That part of the trip took an hour in itself despite being so much shorter a distance in comparison. Ahsoka informed them to put on their coats again as they landed and exited into a snowstorm. Amyra heard whispers of ‘it’s not the most hospitable place’ and couldn’t help but giggle a little. That was the point.

The knight and padawan soon joined the younglings only a few meters away from the ship, all confused as to how they would get through the solid ice. “Outstretch your hands and focus on the force, there is only one way to enter,” Amyra replied to their calls of confusion. She and Ahsoka started the motion before all the younglings followed in suit. The crumbling of ice soon occurred, and the doorway made itself clear. The guidance inside led the younglings to find Master Yoda already sitting there, waiting for them to arrive.

“The Force made physical, a Jedi is,” He began, his speech still familiar in Amyra’s head like he gave it yesterday. “Comes great responsibility with that, yes? Protect others, how does a Jedi, hmm? Build your own lightsaber, you shall,” With effortless movements, he used the force to show the younglings his lightsaber, blade and all. The way he could do this without much effort was certainly something to be in awe of. “But first, harvest your crystal, each one of you must.” Light chatter ensued from the small group, getting excited but soon dying out when Yoda began speaking once more. “The heart of the lightsaber, the crystal is. Focuses the Force from the Jedi, it does.” He turned his head to look at the frozen-over doorway, reminding Amyra of her first experience with the doorway. She had gotten stuck when it froze over. She had felt completely helpless before realising it was only frozen water and that it could be broken. Needless to say, she felt proud of herself that day. “If Jedi you are to become, enter the crystal cave, you must. Trust yourself, trust each other, and succeed, you will.”

Ahsoka stepped forward to speak, Amyra close at her side. “Once you have found your crystal, do not remain inside. As daylight ends, the door will freeze over again, and you will be trapped.”

The younglings seemed to become scared, frightened of how seemingly _dark_ this ritual was, and forgetting that one simple fact about Ilum. It was an _ice planet_. “For how long?” Asked Namkitu, an Amaran who Amyra always knew to be stuck into his study. She understood that all too well.

“For one planetary rotation; there will be nothing anyone can do for you,” She said, watching as it gradually got brighter in the large room.

“How will we even know which crystal to pick? Aren’t there thousands in the caves?” Ferra; she was certainly a troublemaker; one of three humans in the group.

“Only you can know which one is yours,” Ahsoka interjected before letting Amyra speak again.

“I will be joining you in the caves also, as my first lightsaber was irreparably damaged in a duel. Even if I have done this before, that was many years ago, so I will be trusting my instincts just as much as all of you should be. Do not get discouraged if others find their crystal before you,” She smiled at the small group before finalising. “This is about you and your journey to becoming a Jedi, it will take time and patience, but you will get there in the end,”

As she finished, Yoda spun the large crystal nearing the ceiling and the sunlight shone down on the icy doorway, clearing the way in a tidal wave of water. The first trek inside was much too cold for Amyra’s taste, even with the coat on she still felt as though she was freezing. So, this was one of the reasons many of her memories of Ilum weren’t the best. Maybe she just didn’t deal with the cold that well. Every time she crossed paths with one of the students, they asked her how they would ever find their crystal, and every time she replied by saying ‘trust your instincts, use the force’. With her mind clear, she focused on the signature that she felt within the deeper parts of the caves. She hurried towards it, feeling its low, buzzing hum reverberate in her chest. 

She continued to follow the trail, eventually leading to a spacious room filled with crystal after crystal much like the first time. She’d thought that she couldn’t find it, picking up random crystals and hoping for the best until the feeling became stronger and she found the one. It was like when soulmates met, you just knew that _they were the one_. When she closed her eyes to try to connect even farther, she saw what she could only describe as _temptation at its core._ Sudden, intrusive, and unwarranted thoughts entered her mind, telling her to take and take and take. She defied her thoughts and outstretched her arms, feeling the tingle of the force rush through her fingertips. She would not give in. The temptations forced their way closer in her head as she felt the pull of her crystal become clearer. _There_! Her eyes shot open, staring in the direction of a subtle white-blue glow in the ice-cold room. Any semblance of a dark thought exited her mind, having proved herself to the tests of the force. Even if she wasn’t a youngling, even if she wasn’t a padawan anymore, she still had much to learn about _temptation_ and _indulgence_.

She took long strides towards the small, ice pillar, plucking what she had originally believed was only one crystal from its place. Yet when she placed it in the warmth of her hand, ice slightly melted, and two crystals made themselves clear. Both were brimming with a shared force signature to that of her own and she smiled a little before hearing a loud, rumbling crack. Her instincts pushed her towards the exit of the space just as the ceiling caved in. _Ice planet,_ she thought, _it was bound to happen_. As she left for the entrance, a subtle red glow followed her, the odd presence of a force signature to that of someone she barely recognised. It disappeared just as she acknowledged it, leaving behind only a small echo that even her own mind couldn’t decipher.

She tried to think nothing of it; Ilum liked to play tricks on the mind. The doorway was halfway closed when she appeared, counting about five of the students already back with the group. She shared a knowing glance at Yoda, one that seemed to tease as if he expected her to once again become trapped. She placed her crystals in her pocket when she returned to the group, hearing a quiet exclamation in awe from one of the younglings. She smiled at them before they smiled back and returned to the conversation on how each of them got to their crystal. She truly cared not to listen, it wasn’t her journey, it was theirs.

“So, it seems that the two of us are going to be dual-wielding buddies as well as friends,” Ahsoka said, nudging at Amyra’s arm. She let out a laugh, stealing a look at her padawan friend.

“I guess that is what it seems now,” It seemed as though, while her days prior failed saber training session went catastrophically wrong, the force hadn’t failed her in making her train with two sabers. 

The remaining four younglings made it through the doorway at the very last second that they could. At least she wouldn’t have to witness what it looked like when she had become trapped. The large group of now twelve retreated back to the ship as the sun began to completely set on the horizon. She hurried the giddy younglings along, desperate to get out of the cold. Yoda lingered behind, raising the broken ice from before and blocking the entrance again. She was constantly wowed by the amount of power he seemed to possess. The ship was once again warm, and she pulled off her jacket, taking a seat on the floor. The younglings soon followed, as the ancient droid known as Huyang appeared. She had gone through this process before. She watched as each child picked out the components for their sabers being guided by the force in the process. While the students found it minutely difficult, Amyra chose with a breeze, the components being the exact same for each blade.

The ship had entered orbit at this point, staying stationary above Ilum itself. Everyone had chosen a spot in the room to start, it just so happened that Amyra chose to stay on the floor. It was a warm and calming feeling. With the help of Huyang, Ahsoka, Yoda and Amyra, the nine younglings were able to begin, focusing their sensitivity of the force into putting together their sabers safely and correctly. When Amyra knew they were on their way and that they needed help no longer, she began on her own. Her eyes fluttered shut as she closed off her mind to everything but the force swirling around her. She could visualise each and every piece being put together with such precision, one saber in each hand almost being constructed in complete synchronicity. She felt the force wrap around every inch of her body like a warm hug and blocked out all noise aside from that subtle buzz of energy. She moved her hands with such purpose, hearing the tiniest of clicks and screws. The moment she _knew_ she was finished; she opened her eyes to see her new sabers floating in front of her. A calm smile appeared on her face.

The hilts were curved with an ornate, golden, filigree pattern decorating them. The majority of the sabers were a dark grey; light grey and gold being the most prominent accent colours. The switch was a button, corrugated around the edges. It too was gold in colour, a black dot in the middle shining in the low light. Near where the emitter was, there was more decoration. A large piece of metal (looking very similar to a ring or bracelet) pointed upwards as more vine-like golden accents tapered up towards the point. About two inches from where the blade emitter began was where the decorations stopped. She plucked them out of the air, twirling the hilts in her hands, noting just how much heavier they were from her previous one. Soon, the younglings completed the construction of their sabers and the pilot jumped into hyperspace. 

Each student began to ignite their sabers to see what colour they received, mostly blue and green, with the exception of one purple. She didn’t want to ignite her own two until everyone had seen theirs. She took a deep breath in, and then out again before she held the cool metal in her hands. It was a nice feeling. Her thumb instinctively went towards the switch and gave it the slightest of presses on both. She expected them both to shine purple like her previous saber, however, was surprised when the warm glow of yellow lit up in front of her. _The Jedi Sentinel_. She hadn’t known of one in who knows how long - they had been quite prominent in the old republic, much less so now. She smiled at the thought, recognising that it was probably attributed to her constant thirst for knowledge and casual trips to the archives.

She turned them off and watched as Huyang and Yoda instructed the younglings in the proper handling of their newly built sabers. They had already learnt this, but that had been with the safer sabers, these ones were proper weapons, no longer toy-like. She watched on, similar to that of a proud parent despite having absolutely no idea what that really felt like. When The Crucible landed back on Coruscant, it was dark, and very few were bustling around in the hangar bay. Alongside Ahsoka and Yoda, Amyra instructed the younglings to head to their rooms and get some well-needed rest. She knew that she was in need of sleep as well. The halls were mostly empty, calmingly quiet. Entering her room gave her a sudden burst of energy, causing her to sigh. Of course. She placed her new lightsabers down on the side table before sitting on her bed and taking off the utility belt. She would have to put a second clip onto it for the new addition. 

She looked up to spy her workstation, just across the room. It had a small shelf containing the multitude of datapads she had collected and sat right on the top was her former lightsaber. Maybe she could still remove the crystal even without being connected to it. It would have a significantly less likelihood of exploding in its current state, being cut off from most of the other internal parts. She shrugged off her robes and neatly laid her belt on top of them at the foot of her bed before walking towards the station. It would be a challenge considering the parts were mostly melted together, but it was worth a try. She sat in the chair and focused on the crystal chamber, intricately trying to separate the two pieces - crystal from metal. It was a delicate process, not wanting to break the crystal under the stress, but not wanting anything to go wrong that forced the crystal to stay even more stuck. The time it took to take it out almost equated to the same amount of time it had taken to put the saber together all those years ago. Needless to say, it took a long while.

Afterwards, she’d felt drained. She let the crystal stay on the workbench, the pulled apart pieces of the saber strewn all over it. Maybe she could take the time to--

_No_.

That was enough for one night.

* * *


	4. In which Amyra seriously feels sidelined, starts to understand why Anakin is always so frustrated with the council and does some undoubtedly stupid things.

* * *

“I’m sorry? Master Yoda, forgive me, but are you proposing that I just _sit here_?” Amyra really couldn’t believe this. She had been called to the council chambers; she didn’t really know why at first, thinking that there couldn’t have possibly been anything that she could’ve done in such a short span of time. Yet she hadn’t accounted for how overprotective the council could be. 

She hadn’t really noticed until now, but ever since her failure to defeat Kenobi, they’d been coddling her like a baby. She could handle herself quite well, _thank you_. “Stay on Coruscant and train in dual-wielding, you should. Enter battle with no practice in dual-wielding, unwise, this would be,” He replied, still firm in his words. She clenched her hands behind her back, glad that over half the masters were unable to feel her anger radiating in the room. “Calm your mind, should you. Take control of the mind, anger does.”

She bottled up her feelings, taking a few calming breaths before pretending as if everything was okay. “Understood, Master Yoda,”

“While Peitho is a target for concern, your health and ability should not be compromised before engaging in a duel again,” Came the calm yet commanding words of Shaak Ti. She was one of the very few Masters who always had the opportunity of attending council meetings, even if she was always a hologram. Bottling up her anger only made it bubble worse in her stomach, but she masked it well, appearing calm through the force. They were treating her like she was still a youngling, needing to protect her at every turn. It was kind of humiliating to be truthful.

“When will I be allowed to leave Coruscant again?” She took long glances at each of the Masters as her words entered the room. Mace Windu had gone to help the efforts on Ryloth, Adi Gallia had been in battle for almost a week - Ki-Adi-Mundi was with her. She could keep naming the missing Masters, but it wouldn’t even be worth it. 

“When the council deems it necessary for you to engage in the war,” She shut her eyes for a moment to hide the annoyed eye roll she was inevitably going to give them and let out a breath. It made her frustrated, but that was only the beginning of it. She held her tongue at wanting to ask them of their other reasonings but knowing the conclusion would all come back to Kenobi. It always did. “You are dismissed Varellaac,”

She left without a word, and when the door closed behind her she let out a frustrated huff, holding back from screaming. She returned to her room and retrieved her sabers, heading on a direct path towards the training rooms. She could at least do what they said _once_. She programmed the droid to one of the highest levels and ignited her sabers when it whirred to life. It zipped around the room, sending stun bolt after stun bolt. She blocked each one, her lightsabers almost becoming a protective shield. Only a few minor slip-ups here and there sent the powerful shocks through her muscles, making them tense up painfully and spasm. She kept as steady as she could to continue blocking, not wanting to feel that any more than she’d have to. As the session ended, she didn’t feel much better. In fact, she probably felt worse. The scream from earlier built up again, and in the secluded area, she let it free. Still, she felt no better. “Stay on Coruscant, my ass!” She shouted, pacing around the room with her still ignited sabers in hand. What else was she supposed to do? It’s not like she could talk to Anakin and Ahsoka; she’d watched them leave on a mission that morning. _There wasn’t even anything to_ do _on Coruscant!_

Well, no, that wasn’t necessarily true, there were plenty of things she could do.

_Just nothing she wanted to do right now_.

She continued to practice her stances, fighting the droid at a lower level just to focus her energy into something; anything. She already exhausted so many options for things to do. She didn’t want to go read in the archives, having felt worn out from it for now (She never thought she’d see the day that she was getting _bored_ of reading), she’d already completed an idea for previous saber-crystal, having strung a thin cord around it to create yet another necklace. She knew almost instantly that constantly practising her stances and attacks would get boring quickly, taking all the fun out of it. There was always meditating, but she’d done enough of that in the past week or so to last her aeons.

On the plus side, she hadn’t been locked to the temple, if she had then she probably wouldn’t have been capable of holding her tongue and calling out the councils _bullshit_. The session once again ended and she pressed the switches, clipping her lightsabers to her belt. She felt drained from keeping her emotions at bay rather than vent them. Maybe a breath of fresh air would do her some good.

But a simple breath is not what she took.

* * *

After leaving her lightsabers in her room, she left the temple. This was just Coruscant, and she knew the area well enough, not keeping her lightsabers with her was something she deemed as acceptable. She took her speeder out for a while before finding herself in one of the lower levels of Coruscant. She wasn’t so deep that crime was at every turn, but she couldn’t see the temple either. Had the subconscious thought of still being on Coruscant not popped into her head every few seconds, she most definitely would’ve believed that she was on a completely different planet. She was still amazed at how different the higher and lower levels of Coruscant were to each other despite having lived here so long. When she took a sharp right, a neon sign lit up in front of her. She smiled, recognising it well and entering one of her favourite taverns.

As soon as the door opened, the stench of strong alcohol invaded her senses. It was a familiar, be it terrible, smell that she had become accustomed to handle. Her eyes scanned the expansive room, some booths already taken, the betting areas filled to the brim, and a couple seats at the bar already filled by the sober and the drunk alike. Some already seemed to be passed out despite it being so early in the evening. If she didn’t have a duty to the order to _not_ do that kind of thing, that is exactly what she’d be doing right now. She made her way to the bar and took a seat, her wandering eyes fixing on the person taking customer orders right now, her favourite person outside of the Jedi Order - Karin Colvata. Alderaanian, like herself, but his dark hair was a stark contrast to her own ginger-Blonde. He always seemed calm and collected, his laid-back, fun-loving nature a perfect fit for bartending work. Not to mention his extensive knowledge of all things Alderaanian cuisine. This place had been one of her favourite spots on Coruscant ever since becoming a Padawan and finding the perfect ways to sneak out of the temple. She and Karin were around the same age, he had just begun his kitchen training when she had discovered the gem-of-a-tavern. When they became friends, she’d started to consider it as a home-away-from-home, despite not really remembering much about Alderaan.

Almost the instant that she got settled and comfortable, Karin caught her gaze and gave her a smile. He finished taking down one order and telling the kitchen about it before striding towards her. “Amy! It’s really been a while, how have things been?” She laughed a little, somehow keeping it together, while her expression was a whole mess of emotions ranging from tired and stressed, to happy, to angry. She was just feeling everything at the present.

“A glass of Alderaanian Ruge Liqueur and four extra-large sticks of Oro Bark, I need to feel something for once,”

“Ah, so I take it things have been _bad_ ,” he replied, pulling a tall glass out from under the bar and pulling the ornate bottle down from the shelf. She gave him a knowing glance and clicked her fingers, pointing finger-blasters his way.

“Right on the credits,” she let loose an exasperated sigh, trying to let herself calm into the moment. Here, she felt out of sight and out of mind. She wasn’t bothering the masters, nor the padawans, nor the younglings - she was steering clear of Jocasta, she wasn’t bothering anyone here, so she just let herself breathe again. Mayhaps it was the strong alcohol wafting through the air, but this place always had a certain effect on her that she could never really name. As a Padawan, she would come in almost every other day, never to drink but always to talk, finding it oddly calm to vent to someone who was completely unbiased to the Order.

Even after their friendship became awkward (Karin had asked her on a date, she’d reminded him that ‘Jedi weren’t supposed to grow attachments or have relationships’), they still stayed civil, stayed friends. He eventually found someone, settled down; he wasn’t in as often as he used to be, but seeing him work was always a nice occurrence. He called out her order to the kitchen as he pulled the cap off the bottle and began pouring, seemingly beginning a new bottle just for her. The slightly drowned out call of ‘got it’ was barely audible over the speakers blaring pod racing amongst other gamblers havens.

“So,” he started, pushing her glass towards her and putting the bottle back on the shelf. “Are you gonna tell me anything about it?” He asked, just before having to take another customer's order.

She rolled her head around to stretch out the tense muscles. “If I told you what happened, you’d get overly concerned,” His short outcry of ‘oh?’ was all she heard before he turned his full attention to her.

“You just _saying_ that makes me concerned; what happened?” He reiterated, crossing his arms.

She stared into the drink before she sighed, forgetting just how much empathy one person could actually have. “I got in a duel with someone stronger than me and came out on the losing end. Had it not been for some kind of kriffed up miracle, I would have died out on Zoxeria and you’d have never heard from me ever again,” she held her head up, temple in her palm and elbow rooted in the wooden bar top.

His expression softened, still concerned but more so sad. “Force Amy, that doesn’t just sound like something you should be brushing aside,” he seemed distracted by a new customer before one of his coworkers took the order, knowing how serious his conversations with Amyra could get despite probably not even knowing who she was. “That’s really serious,”

She shrugged, spinning her glass very subtly, waiting desperately for the food to arrive. “That’s just the Jedi Way. You have to get over things quickly in times like these.” She was dimming down the situation, _brushing it aside_. She was doing exactly what he was talking about. “If you’re alive, you fight, I’ve grown to accept that fact,”

“But that’s no way for someone to live. Sure, I get it, you’ve lived like this your whole life, but they don’t even give you time to get over it like a normal being?” A note was handed his way, and he took a quick look to see it was an order directed his way. Probably some kind of weird cocktail, the people that came here often enjoyed their crazy drinks.

She grumbled, sitting up properly and going back to staring into her drink. “I mean, technically no, but I’ve been grounded on Coruscant until further notice,” she really just wanted to get into the drink, but she had her own ritual, she wasn’t just going to have the liqueur without her Oro Bark. “I don’t understand what the council is doing, they’re treating me as if I were still a youngling and protecting me just because I lost one fight. They’ve never done this to any other Jedi, so why me? Why am I the one being sidelined? I should be out there helping to secure victory for the republic,” her stare was angry and distant, focused on a spot behind her raven-haired friend. She was relatively sure it was just a light reflection on one of the bottles, but there was a small yellow glow in her vision.

At this point, if it wasn’t that would be enough excitement for her.

She was brought back from her thoughts when a plate was placed in front of her. “Try not to get _too_ off the rails,” he said, an empathetic side-smile on his face.

“Karin, you of all people should know that if this liqueur wasn’t so strong, I would've downed three whole glasses already,” she said, raising the glass to him.

“Like that fact has stopped you in the past,”

“Oh haha, very funny, get back to bartending and leave me to my own devices will ya?” She couldn’t help but be a little sarcastic and smart-ass around him. He just seemed to have a way to bring comedy to the forefront. He smiled at her before doing exactly that. 

She turned to look over at the betting area, taking a look at each of the differently emoting faces before taking a swig of the liqueur. A familiar stinging sensation poured down her throat, causing her to let out a breath she hadn’t realised she’d been bottling up. It was strong alcohol, sure, but over the years she had learnt how to handle it. She could always use the force to detoxify herself afterwards if need be, but what fun was _that_? Probably the kind that the order was okay with.

None at all.

Taking a bite of the sweet bark was like experiencing whiplash, a complete one-eighty contrast to the bitter and burning liqueur. The candified Alderaanian classic gave her just the kick of energy she needed to begin feeling a little lighter than air, alongside the swirl of something deep in the pit of her stomach. Be it nausea induced from the completely opposing substances or the sugar high she was surely going to get, she was starting to feel happier than only that couple of minutes earlier. Soon enough, she was halfway through her bark and onto her second glass when the glow returned, brighter and closer than previously. She smiled at it, intrigued as it began to form the shape of a person. The tipsiness in her mind forced a giggle through her lips, making her wonder what kind of weird trick was being played on her eyes. 

Her head was slightly fuzzy, but every other sense was perfectly fine. She could see clearly, she could speak clearly, movement was a breeze, and the smell of alcohol was still as strong as ever. Okay, maybe the alcohol stench was a _little_ stronger, but it wasn’t _that_ noteworthy. She kept her eyes fixated on the warm, whitish-yellow glow and she began to think on her options. Maybe staying on Coruscant wouldn’t be so bad, she could return to coming here every other day, maybe not to drink away the boredom but certainly just as something to do. She looked down at the plate and broke a piece of the bark away from the rest, swirling it around in her drink, the taste becoming a weird combination of sweet and sour. It was a good kind of burn on her tongue, the kind that made her start to become numb to the feeling. 

She dared not chug the last half of the drink, both out of respect for her personal ritual and also because doing so would make her feel absolutely _awful_. She didn’t really want to feel bad after just starting to feel good again. Taking the last bite of the bark was almost saddening, as she already missed the sweetness. But, now, she just had to finish the drink. 

She picked up the glass, moving from her seat at the bar to lean against a pillar nearby. She watched the pod racing being broadcast across the large screens lining the wall, the fanatics and their intensely weird drinks, the shady, under the table, gambling taking place in a place where legal gambling was clearly allowed. She would be lying if she said she thought it wasn’t stupid. With each sip of the bitter, hard drink, she felt less and less tense. To tell the truth, she wouldn’t usually allow herself to fall this deep into drunkenness, but it was just Coruscant, she knew this place. At least she wasn’t at the Mos Eisley Cantina on Tatooine - she would’ve never let her guard down this much if she were there. The last mouthful burned the longest, causing her head to hurt the smallest amount. It put a small strain behind her eyes and told her that the last sip was just a tad bit more than she would usually take at once. She felt alive, albeit dazed, and smiled at Karin as she handed back her glass. It felt good to smile again. “You get yourself home safely, all right? Or do you want me to get you a pickup?”

“No, no it’s fine - I’m all good!” She had a feeling that her smile was teetering on insane levels of wide, causing her to pull it back. She was a little jittery with happiness, her eyes being unable to stay focused on one spot. As she walked out, the neon lighting up the, now completely dark, streets was brighter than usual, but her steps were no less strict. She certainly didn’t walk like someone who had just been drinking away her emotions for a couple of hours. The same yellow glow reappeared in the corner of her vision and she turned her head to look at it. Whatever it was, it was more aligned to her eye-line this time, as if the glow had been moving up and down the lower levels of Coruscant. She watched it a while, watching where they stepped and not really caring about the people she annoyed by just standing in the pathway. 

Her somewhat-muddled mind was intrigued, and given the fact that she was maybe a lot more than just tipsy, her curiosity was certainly piqued. She began following it, not really paying any mind to the heat beginning to swirl in the deeper parts of her head. She started to fall into it, stumbling towards where this glowing figure had stopped. It was a somewhat comfortable warmth. She was sure of it now, the glow definitely took the shape of a person. The heat deepened in the back of her head as she rounded a corner. Her neck and chest flushed red in heat, staying away from her face for the time being. Though as she once again took another step into the alleyway, she saw nothing and no one. Only the subtle trace of a force signature was left, _a force signature_! That what the glow had been, her drunken brain just hadn’t quite clicked it in her head. She smiled at her revelation before the feeling of ghost fingertips grazing along the back of her shoulders startled her. She became as alert as someone who had drunk two full glasses of Alderaanian Ruge Liqueur could become and tried to reach for her lightsabers only to remember that she’d left them behind. _It was just Coruscant_ , she had said, _nothing bad could happen in a place she knew so well_! Yeah, how utterly stupid could she have been.

She turned her head to once again find nothing, yet feeling the same fingers then press against her cheek. She quickly turned to rub her cheek against her shoulder, eyes wide and searching for a source of these ghostly touches. No pickpocket would be so touchy, no bounty hunter would get so close, not even someone who wanted to go into _that_ realm of bastardry would take their time to mess with their target’s head.

With each turn to find a source of the ghost touches, she became more and more anxious. She thought she saw glimpses of a cloak only to not have seen anything. She had moved further into the alleyway, thinking maybe it was just that spot but then they followed her. She felt like running, but her curiosity said to stay and find out _what the kiff this was._ She had become so used to the comfortable heat of the force in her head by this point that she hadn’t even realised how tightly it held itself around her mind. At one point, she must have turned around too quickly - or maybe she tripped on a loose paving stone - as she began to fall back. She was sure she’d hit the ground, but instead, she felt a grip on her arms and a body behind her head. Her eyes were shut closed, and she most definitely didn’t want to open them. “How lovely it is to see you again,”

But alas, her eyes shot open and she forced her way up and out of his grip to stumble to her feet. _Kenobi_? What was he doing on Coruscant? When she turned to look at him again, just to check if he was really there, he had disappeared once more. It was like her mind and eyes were playing dastardly games. His slightly calloused hands ran down from her shoulders to her biceps, warm but distant feeling as if they were and weren’t there. She couldn’t be sure if she’d ever felt this before. “I’m terribly sorry for how I left you, but I couldn’t wait around,” his words spilt directly into her ear and she quickly reached up to grab her arms, feeling cold when his presence wasn’t there. How was he even doing this? This didn’t feel like drunken confusion, there was something else going on here.

As her head deepened and calmed into the warmth of the force, she tried to push it away. That was Kenobi’s doing, not her own, he was doing this. “Get out of my head,” she warned, feeling her head spin out into pain. Damn that liqueur for being so strong. Damn her for letting herself lose some self-control. Damn it all.

“Oh, my dear, you were so welcoming though. I’m not forcing my way, _you’re letting me in_ ,” He appeared in the corner of her eye before taking one hand to hold her chin. He was delicate, gentle, in his touch, so unlike someone so made of pure evil. When she tried to pry away, he tightened his grip and grabbed her wrist. “You were so amused before tracking me down, before you found out it was me,” He lightly dragged his thumb across her lip before retracting his hand and pressing one finger on her nose, the slightest of smirks playing on his lips. “I’m actually a little hurt,”

She refused to answer him, to even look at his face, still trying to fight her own head. As a Jedi, she had an obligation to say that it was a horrible experience, but she couldn’t help but feel _good_. The way that the force wrapped around her like a blanket was familiar and it took all of her strength not to fall back into it, to wreck her progress - as little as that actually was. Anger swelled up in her chest, she should not be feeling like this, she should be more resilient in pushing away the temptation. But smooth words from a silver-gilded tongue were pushing her down the path of indulgence. _Peitho was too perfect a name._

“You refuse to let yourself see that I’m not the one doing this, you’re fighting something you desire so deeply, so fervently,” She shut her eyes, pain rooting itself in her head and she tried to push back all the thoughts, all of them, clear her mind as well as she could. It was a task with no end as the thoughts appeared quicker than she could cull them.

In her anger, she ripped her hands from his grip and stepped back, still refusing to open her eyes again. “I am a Jedi, I follow the order! My desires only lie in the downfall of the separatists and the sith, I desire nothing more and I will not be tempted by your _lies,_ ” she snapped, opening her eyes to stare down at the pavers. She held her own wrist where Kenobi had once held it, trying to calm her anger. Alcohol always made her more susceptible to emotions, a reason she never drank in front of other Jedi.

“Why say things that you don’t believe?”

His words felt like a stake through the heart, burying deeper and deeper so she couldn’t claw them out. He was right, she knew he was right, she was fooling herself. But letting a _sith_ know that was not on her agenda. He stayed in place, his calm stare burning into the side of her head. She turned even further away from him, feeling unsteady in her own stance. She shouldn’t be turning away from him, she looked like she was admitting defeat, but she couldn’t bear to look at him when knowing he was _right_. She didn’t follow the order as closely as she had the council believe, she grew attachments, even caused a _council member_ to form an attachment to her. She let her emotions get the best of her too many times to count, blaming it on her use of Vaapad, but knowing it had no correlation. She was not perfect, but perfection had no say in where her loyalties lied. She was a Jedi, the light is where she would stay, _she would not give in_. “I refuse to let you use my mind as your plaything; get out of my head!”

“You still don’t understand do you?” He took a step closer to her, she could see it in the corner of her vision. He had an unreadable expression on his face, his usual smirk nowhere to be found. Not even a hair was out of place from what she dared to see. He was so put together, and she was such a mess. “You gave me access to your mind; I’ve done nothing but observe,” He looped his finger under the visible leather cord of her newest necklace, pulling it out from under her robes. He eyed it off, curiously thumbing over the jagged edges. She fidgeted in place, part of her desperately wanted to stop him from touching it, but she couldn’t find the ability within her to try. “You fool yourself into believing that you follow the order’s law without fault, yet you hide so many things from them,” She couldn’t refute, still trying to push him out with little to no success and just more pain. “I could help you,”

She swatted away his hand, turning to face his chest and wrap her fist around the crystal. “Work alongside you? Not a chance, if I hadn’t let my guard down for one night then you would be dead,” She blinked a couple of times, emotional strain settling deep behind her eyes.

He chuckled, running a hand through his hair, his smirk returning. “Amyra, you know how unlikely that is, I’m a far superior duelist to you while you can barely keep your anger at bay,” She crossed her arms, trying to seem more confident but coming off as closed-off instead. She felt his words bubble in her chest and she gripped tighter at her arms, digging her nails into the fabric. “Case in point,” The burn in her throat from the liqueur returned as her anger grew. She couldn’t keep it bottled up anymore. 

“ _Leave me alone, Kenobi_!” She hissed, finally making eye contact with him.

_Wrong decision_.

Intense waves of heat rolled over every inch of her body, calming every muscle, every bit of tension she had. She sighed unknowingly, unable to tear her eyes away from Kenobi. She felt her knees weaken, but he held her steady. It was a feeling unlike any other - being held up so gently by the force. The warmth in her head spilt throughout her body, so hot that she felt as if she were on fire. So much raw energy that she had been bottling and keeping a secret from everyone. She refused to believe that one person could have so much control over another, but the evidence was right in front of her. She was the test subject. Her mental walls broke down, allowing Kenobi access to everything, she knew it was a foolish act but it felt so _right_. He tilted his head slightly as a subtle pressure wrapped around her throat. It wasn’t enough to choke, but it was sudden enough to push a gasp through her lips and make her suck in a stuttered breath. She wanted to deny everything, deny that she was falling deeper every day, deny that she had practised so heavily to mask her fall to the masters, deny that any of this felt so perfect. But it was all for nought. It was all true. Feeling powerless against the enemy, when neither had a blade drawn, when words were weapons, felt good.

“We both know that’s not true,” His eyes scanned her features, fingers traced along her neck and jaw, something so perfectly wanton in his stare and touch. But he felt distant. He tore himself away from her, a look of sadness and worry evident on his face. She heard the barest whisper of ‘I have to leave’ before feeling all semblance of the force disappear from around her. She fell to her knees, reaching up to hold her neck as she took in the deep breaths she couldn’t before. Her head hurt worse than ever and when she looked up again, Kenobi was gone. If there was even a trace of him here, she wouldn't know, her head hurting too bad to sense anything. She shut her eyes, brows furrowed together and tried as deeply as she could to detoxify herself. But as it turned out, the pain wasn’t from the alcohol.

She struggled to stand, hand on her forehead and she took her time to stumble her way back to her speeder. She wasn’t drunk anymore, just in pain. It was a unique kind of hurt, of course, there was the physical, the throbbing head, strained eyes, sore muscles - but there was emotional hurt too. She tried her best to sneak back into the temple, seriously not wanting to be questioned on her state and returned to her room. As she shut the door, she leaned against it, closing her eyes. She pulled at her belt to take it off as she shook her head, moving towards her bed. She pulled off the outer layers of her robes and gripped at the crystal again. With a balled fist around it, she ripped it from around her neck, breaking the cord at the back and carelessly throwing it onto the bed.

She paced around for a moment, hands linked together around the nape of her neck. She couldn’t stay focused, everything hurt and she had too many thoughts. She stepped into the adjoining refresher to her room and leaned over the sink. For a moment she stared at the faucet before twisting the handle and splashing some water on her face. As the tap kept running she stared up at herself in the mirror, bottom lip red from nibbling on it the entire trip back to the temple. She felt her chest get tight and she breathed out shaky, feeling a tear escape her eyes.

_Force_.

What was she going to do now?

* * *


	5. In which Amyra decides that this is war, the council can’t sideline her forever, and she’s gonna do something about it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m honestly not the happiest with this chapter, it started great and got weaker but that’s probably because of how bad school has gotten. Hopefully with the Easter holidays I’ll be able to get back into writing. I do have more ideas for new fics so uwu look out for those!!!

* * *

  
How she had coped for so long was a fact beyond her comprehension. A week and a half, ten days - that’s how long she’d managed. Sure, it didn’t seem like much, but when there’s a whole galaxy around you that you have the ability to explore and you’re stuck on one planet, you get kinda antsy. It wasn’t so bad she guessed, she’d actually gotten the chance to spend some time with Padme for once, listen as the senate proposed another new law. Padme certainly had a way with her words. For the most part, Amyra followed Padme around like a lost child. It was clear to any other Jedi or Padawan learner that just so happened to be in the senate building doing whatever it was that the council told them to do that Amyra was just a _little_ on edge.

No one knew she’d been grounded on Coruscant though, or at least that’s what she had hoped was true. But with the amount of snickers and sympathetic looks she’d gotten, she was starting to lose faith in that ‘fact’. She leaned back into the velveteen armchair and listened as Padme worked, even just listening to the most mundane of tasks was something new to do. Her plan to go to the tavern every other day got thwarted by day three, she’d drank too much too quickly and got herself banned for a month on the counts of that was the last time she was allowed to puke in their fresher without consequence. It had made her want to punch something, but at the time, she’d managed to calm herself. She’d been unsure as to where the sudden patience had come from until she was reminded of the haunting fact that Kenobi was still in her head, and he wasn’t going anywhere. 

She was honestly so tired and felt like she was going _insane_ just sitting on this rock of a planet. “Amyra, I know you’re frustrated, but that’s the fifth time you’ve sighed in three minutes, it’s getting very annoying,” Amyra snapped out of her thoughtful daze, not realising she’d been doing anything.

“Sorry Padme,” if the council _wanted_ to make her feel like a youngling they were doing a damn fine job of it. She’d thought they were treating her that way to begin with, she just didn’t realise that it would actually get under her skin as much as it had. “I’m just itching to get back into the fight for the republic, I don’t like just _sitting around_ ,”

She lifted her head up just as the senator placed her datapad down on the desk. “Have you considered that they wanted you to stay away from direct conflict and fight peacefully? Like how I do within the senate?”

“Fight peacefully? If that isn’t a contradiction then I don’t know what is,” the speeders racing by in the air outside the window distracted her enough before Padme spoke again. 

“But do you understand my point? Maybe they wanted you to see that there is more than one way to win a war, that direct conflict isn’t always the best choice?”

She crossed her arms over her chest, trying to take a calming breath. “I’m one of their best fighters, they wouldn’t sideline me like this just to learn how to fight a war with words,” she swallowed harshly, sitting up properly. “They just don’t want me to fight Peitho again,” best not to worry her with his real identity.

“You mean Kenobi?”

_Never mind._

She straightened on the spot and caught Padme’s eyes for merely a second before looking away. “Yeah, how did you know?”

Her senator friend laughed for a moment, her smile fading shortly after. “Master Windu, he thought I had the right to know that he had fallen.” She pushed back from the desk and stood up, Amyra following in suit. The two stood side by side at the window and Amyra didn’t need the force to tell that Padme was sad. “It was hard for me to believe that someone who helped to protect me and Naboo could have become something so evil,”

Amyra looked down at the ground, hand squeezing around her wrist behind her back. “Yeah, me too, not the whole ‘protecting me and my planet’ kind of thing, more so because I thought of him as a role model, I looked up to him,” she swallowed hard, feeling a flicker of a feeling plant itself in her head. She shook her head slightly and returned to staring out the window; holding in a deep breath then letting it out slow. “And, call me crazy but, I—“

A knock could be heard at the door and the two ladies turned to look as Padme called for them to come in. In came the calming face of Senator Organa, alongside C-3PO and a pair of other senators that Amyra didn’t quite recognise. Though it was quite a common occurrence for her not to recognise a senator, she didn’t really keep up with everyone, just the ones she was friends with. “Senator Amidala, we didn’t know you already had a guest,” the two looked at each other before Amyra gave a small bow of her head.

“Senator Organa, it’s good to see you back on Coruscant,” she said with a small smile. 

“It’s good to be back, I assume your meeting with Senator Amidala was unscheduled?” Amyra took a quick look behind him to see the other two senators quietly conversing while Threepio stood there pretty aimlessly. She wondered whether or not he had seen Artoo lately.

Before Amyra could answer, Padme intervened. “We had just finished when we heard your knock,” She gave Amyra a certain look that instantly clicked in her brain.

“Indeed, it was merely a personal trip, I should be going, thank you for your time Senators,” she produced as calm an appearance as she could before leaving the room and closing the door behind her. She breathed out, hands slightly clammy and began to walk back to the temple. Her lightsabers bounced at her hips as she passed by senators and diplomats alike, giving them all calm smiles and head bows even when she was screaming inside. She _didn’t_ miss him _, she didn’t._

* * *

Back at the temple, things weren’t much different. She had made her mental blockade stronger the instant she stepped inside, masking any semblance of turmoil she knew was waging war inside her head and heart. She made an appearance in her favourite training room, seeing a group of younglings, almost at the age to be assigned as Padawan learners, training together. She watched for a moment, stepping further into the room and travelling towards the front. She didn’t know who was training them very well, but she definitely recognised her. Jedi Knight Giaala Rownor, an accomplished duelist, but never quite got used to having a cybernetic leg. If there was anyone who knew what it was like to be sidelined, it was her. She was intently watching over her students and barely acknowledged Amyra’s presence at her side. “Hey, Deeran, this is just sparring, you’re not trying to actively kill your partner!” She shouted, keeping her arms locked behind her. She shook her head, sneaking a side glance at Amyra. “So, how’s baby's first grounding?”

“Does everyone know?”

“They wouldn’t have, had you not been sulking twenty-four seven, either way word gets around,” She once again snapped at a pair of the younglings who had decided to be rather reckless and almost hurt one another. “And people start to talk when you don’t leave Coruscant for a while,”

“Yeah, I figured, how did you cope?” She heard Giaala laugh a little.

“I didn’t,” Amyra watched over the sparring, the zaps and hums of the moving plasma chaotic, yet uniform. “When I lost my leg I sulked for weeks and barely got used to it being made of metal _junk_ , still haven’t got it completely under control, not like Skywalker,” She kicked out her leg a little, the small spasms of it’s metallic parts reacting quickly but jittery. “It took me almost four years to finally realise that being out in the field was no longer an option for me, so my work is here now,”

She thought about it for a couple seconds before replying. “Do you ever miss it?”

Giaala chuckled, the slightest smile on her features. “All the time, for a long while I was afraid that the council would set me back even further because of my inability to rejoin the war efforts,” She pushed some of her hair back from her face, the dark red curls complimenting her appearance so well. “But I’m glad they didn’t, being delegated to training the future Jedi is a task very few have the ability to take on,”

Amyra nodded a response and her eyes searched the room. She became troubled when she noticed a glimpse of an imbalance of power within one of the pairs. She lightly hit the back of her hand against Giaala’s arm and nodded in their direction. The Jedi knight pushed past Amyra and marched towards them. Amyra followed close behind, eyeing off the students who stopped sparring to watch the scene unfold. She didn’t recognise the kid, but knew there was something wrong with the situation when she heard him snicker. She couldn’t fully believe her eyes, seeing this kid point the end of his lightsaber - not the training saber like they had all seemingly been instructed to use - at his Rodian sparring partner. She looked terrified, and neither had noticed the Jedi knights appearance.

In the blink of an eye, Giaala force-pulled the lightsaber to her own hand and flicked the switch. His eyes widened, knowing he’d been caught. Amyra moved to help the Rodian girl up and guided her away from him, kneeling in front of her, and making sure she was okay as the situation continued to unfold itself. “Maybe we were wrong about you, Bartek, maybe you don’t deserve to own such a sacred and powerful weapon like a lightsaber,” He went quiet as she gripped the hilt of his saber and shook her head. “We have dealt with your antics for too long, even those who don’t make it past the initiate trials are better Jedi than I have known you to be, you’ll be lucky if they even take you in at AgriCorps,”

Just the mention of the organisation put a weight in her heart - no one who went through so much training would wish themselves there. It wasn’t a horrible place, far from it, the work they did was highly beneficial - but to have been trained since you were a small child and then have to work on growing plants must have been a punch to the gut. 

“I was just having a little fun,” A switch seemed to flick in Amyra’s head as she stood up, a fire igniting in the back of her eyes.

“Fun? You call making your fellow younglings feel terrified that they may lose their life by your hand _fun_?” she swallowed harshly, trying to pull her anger back so her mental walls stayed intact. “To be a Jedi means to honor your fellow brothers and sisters in the order, not make anyone feel like they’re lesser than yourself, least of all through intimidation. Everyone in the order is to be treated as equal,”

“Then why are the Council allowed to sit so high and mighty and boss us all around?” His tone was accusatory as his gaze stayed fixated on Amyra. She felt a pang of rage course through her head, but not directed towards the boy in front of her, rather her anger was inward. She understood his words almost too perfectly, they had been almost exactly what she had been telling herself for so many years, wondering why they had authority when they preached that everyone was an equal. She had summed it up to experience, after all, Yoda was Grandmaster and he had been a Jedi for hundreds of years; gained experience that no one could surpass. He deserved the title. 

“Bartek, we do not question the Council!” Giaala’s loud voice echoed throughout the expansive room while everyone stayed silent, not daring to even breathe too loudly. “Everyone else is dismissed, you and I are going to have a meeting with the Council on your recent behaviour,” He looked frightened, knew he had said too much, but he couldn’t go back now. The walk to the council was silent yet calm, well, calm from her and Giaala, Bartek seemed much more on edge. The light knock on the door was all that was needed before the trio walked into the room. Amyra closed the door behind them before standing at Giaala’s side. She spoke on the situation so eloquently, explained everything without the need for Amyra to speak a word. She was thankful, she didn’t really want to speak. Giaala seemed to have a firm grip on Bartek’s shoulder and he hung his head low.

She knew expulsion was imminent, given how many times this had happened before according to Giaala. In truth, she wasn’t entirely sure of that anyway, the kid seemed to be teetering on falling anyway, but who would put a _kid_ in _Jedi Prison_ ? Or maybe they had to have a trial for that, some sort of evaluation that required all masters physically present? She tried not to let it bother her too much, she didn’t know him and it wasn’t her business what happened to him. The meeting was finished soon after, the Masters seeming like they had other topics to attend to. She left at Giaala’s side, but she seemed much more focused on Bartel to notice Amyra had stayed behind. She was contemplating on what choice she could make. Leave; the sensible choice, enter the room and argue her case in staying on Coruscant any longer, guaranteeing that she stays here even longer, or sit and listen. All things considered, she liked the last option. With the door closed, she sat down outside and focused her mind into the force. It wasn’t eavesdropping, she was just… meditating really close to the council room and just so happening to hear everything that they were saying. See? _Totally not eavesdropping_! 

“We have no choice, we need this supply run or the people of Ryloth will keep dying, they’ve dealt with this too heavily as it stands,” Mace sounded frustrated, angry at most, as his voice crackled over the hologram. 

“We all understand the urgency, but we do not have the persons necessary to make this drop, we have expended every Jedi we can to other urgent matters,” Amyra shook her head, scowling slightly. _Expended every Jedi we can my ass_!

“What about Varellaac?” She heard the room go quiet, knowing full well that they had no intention of letting her leave anytime soon. But from what it seemed, they weren’t going to have a choice.

“To rebalance herself she still needs. Send her back into battle, unwise, this would be,” She frowned slightly at Yoda’s words, she was fine, if she was sent into battle again she would be rebalanced. Fighting seemed to balance her way more than sitting around and practising ever did.

“Do we _have_ another option?” Mace was adamant, a trait Amyra was all too happy about right now. She heard Yoda sigh lightly, before the door opened a little beside her.

“Enter, you may, Varellaac,” Well, that’s embarrassing. She stood up from her spot and smoothed out her robes, trying to make it seem as though she hadn’t just been sitting outside the door and listening in to everything they were saying. Taking the first few steps into the room felt mildly humiliating, at least there were only a couple of the masters physically present to have known she was there instead of _all of them_. She took a sneaky glance at Mace, only seeing the slightest tug of a smile on his face before speaking.

“Only you would have the meditative control to be able to listen to a conversation through a force barrier,”

Amusing as the statement was, she tried not to laugh or smile, whatever this supply drop mission was, was no laughing matter. “Forgive me masters, I couldn’t quite control the thought process behind it, I haven’t been coping incredibly well being grounded on Coruscant,” Yoda certainly didn’t look amused by it at all, Mace seemed indifferent, Shaak Ti just nodded understandingly. “If you need me to run this supply drop, I will gladly do so,”

“Your direct orders were to stay on Coruscant, rebalance and practise,”

She held her tongue for a second, thinking of a less angry way of responding. “Do you have any other options? You’ve had me sidelined for a week and a half, in times of war all hands should be on deck so sidelining me is not helping our cause,”

“Too often, let your temper control you, you do. Fall to the dark side, this state increases the chances of.” Yoda _really_ wasn’t pleased. Her hands felt clammy behind her back as she focused on keeping her mental blockade stable. A sneaky glance towards Mace told her to deflect the conversation and she cleared her throat.

“If no one is sent, whatever the situation is on Ryloth will only get worse, if I am all you have,” she was trying to remain as stone faced as possible - even the slightest hint of a smile could be the difference between being assigned this mission and not. “You seem to have no other choice,”

That being said, the statue-like displease on Yoda’s face was no match for her own. She began to panic, she’d said it herself, Yoda had hundreds of years experience with the force, maybe he could see right through her blockade, maybe he knew that she wasn’t as loyal as she seemed? She told herself to stop thinking about it, only seeming to make it worse. She fiddled with her hands behind her back, not really paying much attention to the words being said amongst the masters. Her eyes darted around the room before a calm and familiar sense of warmth fell over her, allowing her to breathe normally again. _Kenobi_ . Always in her head, always watching, always listening, always _helping_ apparently. 

She heard Yoda sigh, his displeased features still largely evident yet he looked just the slightest bit defeated. Particularly unusual for him. “Permission to leave Coruscant, you have. Deliver supplies to Ryloth you will, haste you must make,”

She wanted to smile, but this wasn’t the place, so she merely nodded and thanked him. “I will leave this instant,” she once again glanced at Mace; he looked relieved to say the least. As she left, she heard most, if not all, the holograms shut off. The walk back to her room went by in a flash as she was quick to collect the barest of things she would need and hurried towards the hangar bay. She continued to stick around and help with the preparations before taking off with Clone Commander Xertis at the captains seat. She felt like she was in bliss as the blinding blue of jumping into hyperspace appeared around the small cargo ship. It felt so incredibly good to be back in space, off Coruscant, and back in the game. Nothing could feel better at this point. 

Arriving at the cruiser, to collect the needed supplies that Coruscant didn’t have readily available, was like a breath of fresh air. She finally felt like herself again. She oversaw the preparations and closely followed the plan to get the supplies to the surface. She mostly left it to the commander, with a couple of her own insights when she recognised that something didn’t line up. Finalising all preparations and plans meant it was go time. She boarded one of two gun ships set out to protect the main cargo ship and felt a familiar sense of excitement rush through her body, a playful smirk finally taking shape back on her face. Oh how good it felt to be back. But those feelings were cut short when a voice trickled into the back of her head.

_So, guess I’m heading to Ryloth._

* * *


End file.
